Imagine

Cherry

By sunshine

Wed, 19 Mar 2008
  • 2895 reads
10 comments
 

Imagine………

Imagine a room.
By the bed, one soft light.
Imagine the world beyond receding
Behind a dark curtain of silence.
Imagine the two,
Facing each other
Inches apart, not touching.
Inches apart, each seared by the presence of the other.

Imagine the two
Not moving
Not speaking.
Hardly breathing they continue to look.
Not moving
They hold the moment,
Rich with certainty and possibility.

Imagine no doubts,
No fears, no shame or guilt.
Imagine no hopes no dreams
No demands.
Each moment shaping the next
No rules to bind them.

Imagine the bed
Its existence a signpost between them.
Imagine the pure white sheets
Still hidden from view
Waiting to be spoiled and made familiar.

Imagine the inches between them close.
As they share gifts
Of flesh, skin.
Lips.

They stained the immaculate sheets.
They waltzed to the tune of the hours.
They sank exhausted in a pool of their love.

Imagine the morning,
A long neglected promise now performed.
Imagine a gentle touch
Fingertips gliding over warm skin.
Imagine the scent of wonder
Drift between them.
Imagine.

Certificate 15
Moments and Memories
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by ScribbleScribe on
I like it a lot :D. Sophia Grace

Sophia Grace

Submitted by sunshine on
Many thanks Sophia

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on
A very nice poem. Very touching. RLP
Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by sunshine on
Thank you very much Richard.

Submitted by animan on
Pure, poised, haunting, and profound. Don't like the 'It's', though! Personally, I'd lose the 'spoiled and'. And, my more prosaic side wonders about the wisdom and long-term feasibility of sharing 'gifts of bone', although my less prosaic side knows what you mean. Otherwise, what I can say?

 

Submitted by sunshine on
thanks for constructive comment Animan - any suggestions to replace the 'it's' and 'spoiled'? I agree with your response to 'it's' and now you've made the point it really jarrs for me - still thinking about 'spoiled'.........

Submitted by animan on
I just meant that it should be 'Its' not 'It's', in that 'Its' is a possessive adjective, so that here it's acting as shorthand for 'of the bed' in 'the exitence of the bed', whereas 'It's' means 'It is' which isn't appropriate here. Sorry, if I haven't explained that very well. Other than that I think it's fine. As for 'spoiled and', I don't think you need it, so you could just say: Imagine the bed Its existence a signpost between them. Imagine the pure white sheets Still hidden from view Waiting to be made familiar. Sorry, though, if my fiddling with things is a pain. Otherwise, it's all cool, I think.

 

Submitted by sunshine on
duh! I'm from an age when grammatical structure and correct use of the apostrophe was drummed into tiny primary tots....and misuse has always irked me. So why didn't I spot this? Aaaargghhh.....the onset of dementia! Thanks for suggestion for replacement of 'spoiled' -am finding it hard to let go of my more earthy description though. Please do fiddle/crit any time as it isn't a pain at all. It's valuable. thanks Margot

Submitted by animan on
I read (present and past tense) this poem as in some ways about remembering an imagining rather than an actual imagining, and that somehow the final 'imagine' is different in tone and meaning from the first 'imagine'.

 

Submitted by sunshine on
you're (note apostrophe! hee hee) right in that the use of 'imagine' changes - at the start I intended that it should have a more matter of fact tone, a simple opening to set the scene and draw the reader in. Then at the very end, by linking with the suggestion of wonder, I wanted it to be just that - a sense of wonder, perhaps laced with a touch of wistfulness. I was hoping that a subtle change of pace would also suggest this. regards Margot