Gone. But Not Forgotten

In February this year, I returned to my native Dublin, Ireland for ten days to see my brother-in-law Richard, my niece Rachael (4 yrs.) and my nephew Christopher (3 yrs). I return as often as I can now, sometimes three times a year, ever since my sister, Michelle, died from renal cancer in January 2007.

I have lived in the United States for over 20 years and six months before my sister passed away, I never thought about visiting Ireland on my time off. My parents died years ago and my only other close relative, my brother David, lives in California.

Michelle and I had a strained relationship growing up. There were years when Michelle and I did not speak to each other, then came a flurry of chatter and then silence again. Old trauma is hard to let go. Despite our long hiatuses, in between the chatter and the silence, Michelle sent me letters updating me on her life at home. I learnt Michelle married Richard in one of her letters. Silence followed that letter and then sometime later I received two more letters. The first letter informed of Rachael’s birth and the second letter heralded Christopher’s birth.

In July 2006, I received a phone call from Michelle after one of our long hiatuses. She was diagnosed with renal cancer and was given six months to live. She wanted to talk. I flew home shortly after our phone conversation and spent a week with my sister and her family. It was my first time meeting Richard, my niece Rachael and Christopher my nephew. Michelle was healthy enough to live at home then.

The cancer started to spread shortly after my July visit and by January the following year, well after the doctor’s prognostications, Michelle was living in the intensive care unit at Beaumount Hospital, having suffered two lung collapses and numerous failed treatments. She knew the end was near.

I flew home one more time to see Michelle in January 2007 just before she died. I spent ten glorious days with her in Beaumount Hospital. We talked about our own childhood, but mostly we discussed Rachael and Christopher’s childhood. Two days after I returned to the States, Michelle was moved to St. Francis Hospice, in Raheny where she eventually died in her sleep on January 28. Michelle, like all mothers, loved her children above all else. She spoke about them constantly, but mostly she worried about them. She worried about their education, their health and their diet, and of course, their happiness. Richard, her husband was a great provider and a good father, but Michelle worried that her kids would miss a mother’s maternal instincts. She worried there would be no one there to pick them up when they needed a hug or curl up next to them when they got sick.

I decided to write Michelle a letter to update her on life at home.

Dear Michelle,
I was home recently with Rachael and Christopher and I thought I’d drop you a line to let you know how they are doing. I know you were worried about them before you passed on last year - so here is the latest. Rachael will be five next week and we're having a big birthday party for her and her friends. Can you believe it? She goes to the infant's school in Marino now, where you and me went as kids. You would tear up just to see her in her green uniform and tie, all grown up at five. Rachael is the cutest five-year old you have ever seen. She is a real 'girly' girl - she loves her Barbie's and boy does she have an imagination! Rachael plays 'Barbie’s' and Christopher and I end up playing some minor role in her sitting-room floor dramas. You would get a laugh to see your 42-year old brother lying on your sitting room floor playing 'Barbie's, petrified to call a doll by the wrong name in case I get a scowl from Rachael that would make a CEO flinch.
You could not have chosen a better husband or father to the kids than Richard. He is the most involved and loving parent I have witnessed. The kids adore him and he them - but you knew that. Every morning, I wake-up to the sound of the kid's laughter, as they jump and roll around with Richard in your old bed. He gets as much out of it as they do. I swear!'
Mommy' Richard, that is what I call him - is just as good when it comes time to kiss those 'booboos' better after a slip or fall. Recently, Rachael got a cold, Richard nursed her back to health with all the love and caring our mom gave us to us. He was there at every turn to sooth her and to hold her. God, you would have been so proud Michelle.
He cooks healthy meals as per your instructions and he's a good cook at that. I must apologize up front because I occasionally slip the kids sweets. What are uncles for? Now, to the living terror, Christopher; Michelle he's crazy. He is a three-year-old energy bunny. He keeps going and going and going. Remind me to cut down on his sweet allowance! Christopher flies around the house pretending to be a cross between a power ranger and a ninja turtle. He loves his 'Morphin - Power Ranger', the one I got him for Christmas. He takes him everywhere, even out to Tescos.
But mind me Michelle, you cannot take your eyes off Christopher for a minute, otherwise he's off to the races. Speaking of eyes - he still has those bright blue buttons you hoped he'd never lose. He loves his crèche and when I picked him up the other day, his teacher told me he gets along famously with all the other kids. You can relax; it doesn't look like he is going to be the shy and retiring kind! Rachael and Christopher still ask about you in heaven, not as often though. I think you'll agree that is a good thing. Occasionally, Rachael asks me what it was like being your brother. I talk about you until she is bored. Anyway, I must dash. I can hear Christopher calling me, another power ranger stuck between two chairs! You know how it is. I'll keep in touch.
P.S. You did great - no need to worry.
Love
Uncle Charlie.