OH, NUTS!

OH, NUTS! (16th Feb, 2009, 5.05pm)

Oh, dear, what on earth can the matter be?
What has been happening on the site ABC?
My words are causing pants to be twisted;
My comments provoking gripes to be listed;

Who knew that my mental health was caught
(while I am teaching what I was once taught)
In the balance between total nut and stalker?
Me, insane? Who knew I’d been sent to slaughter

With a questioned name? I’m unhinged, unstable;
I’ve been soundly compared to a door or a table…
What fun! I have missed this huge row about me!
To think that you lot were all debating my sanity!

Well, it falls to me to assuage the fears you must
Hold while filling the page; fellow writers, I trust,
Before my name (no alias, indeed!) becomes dust;
I’ve been busy: a Valentine’s day filled with lust

(must have been an episode!) I will vent my spleen!
I will regurgitate here what today I have seen!
No, I haven’t been locked behind bars at a clinic,
Just too busy to post or comment, but still a cynic!

I’m a teacher: I’m seen to be a pillar of society;
While I was at work, I’ve been slighted on ABC!
Not all poets know it; not all writers are like Plath,
But reading around the debris and the aftermath

You’d think I was for the straight-jacket and slam;
See, her Bell Jar was ringing; mine’s still full of jam!
It’s time to put the broken record a bit straighter:
I’m writing this response; you can criticise it later –

Say whatever you want; I seek comments galore;
That is, after all, what the hell I’m posting it for!
You can slag me off and you can colour my name
(make it black or Cherry red; I’ll still be insane!)

What humbles me are my champions; my defence:
Whatever comments I make, they are kindly meant;
I’m an AMATEUR poet, and this poetry is how I rant;
You can take it straight, bent, or on a bit of a slant;

You can start a fight; you can call me to a word war,
But you’d better first decide what you’re fighting for;
Whether the Moral Highground is worth you holding;
If hypocrisy is quellable, and if you’re liable to folding.

Are your armies prepared, do you know all of the rules?
It would be a shame to find you were supported by fools!
Let the first stones be thrown: I’ll use them in my wall;
Watch where your words are running before they fall!

I think that’s all…

Jennifer Pickup