"SWEETIE, PLEASE DON'T FUSS" (I.P.)

By kheldar

Sat, 10 Apr 2010
  • 2215 reads
10 comments
 

"I' really must be going
Can't miss the final bus,"
"Be careful at the other end"
"Sweetie, please don't fuss."

I know she did not mean it
She liked it that I care,
I wish that I had held her
Stroked her auburn hair.

If we had been a couple
If our meal had been a date,
She may have let me take her home
But "if's" have come too late.

She'd had her share of lovers
I never made that list,
Perfectly platonic
We'd never even kissed.

I walked her to the bus stop
I watched her board the bus,
I smiled at what she'd said to me
"Sweetie, please don't fuss."

Seven minutes later
The driver lost control,
The impact took my dearest friend
It also took my soul.

I really must be going
Can't miss the final train,
It's due in seven minutes
It's time to end my pain.

COPYRIGHT DM PAMMENT 10th APRIL 2020

Certificate 12
Poem
THE HUMAN CONDITION
Drama

Comments

Submitted by shoe on
Ah, unrequited love, this is so sweet, despite the death and suicide!, and I like the sad resignation in the narrators voice. xxx

 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
mew kheldar Sad well done.beautifuly done,sad.But it touches the heart. One never knows what is round the corner do they. julie xx

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
A beautiful telling of a very sad tale, David. Those last lines shocked me - but in a good way, it gives the poem a dark, heart-breaking edge! Well done ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I agree with all that has been said, David. An original and skilfull take on the I.P. Tina ;-)xx

 

Submitted by kheldar on
To my four favourite ladies what can I say other than tkank you: for reading, for commenting and what's more enjoying. It means so very, very much. David xx :--)

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Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
I like this, it has a nice rhythm and a good story... Chris ;)

Submitted by luigi_pagano on
Excellent. A candidate for a cherry, methinks.

 

Submitted by kheldar on
Thank you chris and luigi, glad you enjoyed. Kheldar :--)

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Submitted by Kahdai on
Kheldar, this is really beautiful & sad! This is my favourite part: 'I know she did not mean it She liked it that I care, I wish that I had held her Stroked her auburn hair.' I almost fell in love with her too & would be on the tracks with you! Hope you win the competition ;) ! Kahdai x

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by kheldar on
Thank you so much for that Kahdai. Kheldar :--)

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