"Verboten"

By MistakenMagic

Thu, 15 Apr 2010
  • 3386 reads
16 comments
 

With a grin you dubbed
the subject "Verboten" -
surprised me with your German;
but then again, everything spoken
between us is in a different language.

Damn hypocrites! We want to talk
about it - but will never use
the exact words. We're never blunt -
just not us, is it? Much more fun
to be cryptic and oh-so-poetic...

How drastic we might resort
to clichés - talk of "parting ways",
but never the end, a change; that topic
is "Verboten". So we use the powers
of pragmatism to talk it all away.

But there will come a time when we both
tire of poetry. Exhausted our codes
and fancy ways to say what's forbidden.
Yes. Finally we'll be blunt:
"This is our end." Then it's done.

Certificate U
Poem
Conversation With My Thirteen-Year-Old Self
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Goodness, there is more than a little truth in this (intended or otherwise). Nice piece. I don't mind German people but I just can't like the language; always sound like the speaker is trying to cough up something ;) XXX

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hehe I agree with you about the German language, Chris! I'm a french-speaker myself - a much prettier language, in my opinion ;) Glad you liked this one! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Wow, so much emotion in this one. I really enjoyed the entwining on German with English. Love this stanza; "Damn hypocrites! We want to talk about it - but will never use the exact words. We're never blunt - just not us, is it? Much more fun to be cryptic and oh-so-poetic..." The last stanza finishes perfectly in my opinion. Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Really glad you like this one, Beeme! I think you've picked out my favourite stanza - and happy the ending doesn't disappoint either ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by shoe on
I really, really like this, has a bitter maturity about it. I may be wrong, but it feels like you have taken a step forward, or in another direction with this poem, Quality writing!

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you, Shirley! You know you may be right - this one took a lot more crafting to get all the sound-patterning just right. I'm really glad you enjoyed this one ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
My dear Magic, reading this poem was mixing sweet-wit smile & bitter. I do like the german language & like Beeme think it mixes well with english, it's french I don't like the sound of :bleh-de-blur. I also like this part best: "We're never blunt - just not us, is it? Much more fun to be cryptic and oh-so-poetic..." I know how you understand me better. Kahdai xxx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Really glad you like this one, Kahdai! And you've picked out my favourite lines ;) Thank you for your lovely comment! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
O good, nothing about the silly french accent :) xxx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Gosh...I've got here a bit late, sorry;-) I so agree with all that has been said, especially Shirley I might add. The five-line stanzas are very effective, as is the driving rhythm that you have so successfully created with your 'sound-patterning'. More than well done;-) Tina xxx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
You're not late at all, Tina! And I appreciate all your feedback, late or not ;) So happy you think this one is a success! And thanks for all your help! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
This is amazing Magic! so mature. This line is one of my favourites: "but then again, everything spoken between us is in a different language"

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you Maggy! Glad you like this one ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by h jenkins on
Made me think of Rupert Brooke. "Where das Betreten's not verboten." I liked it. 'Everything spoken between us is in a different language' is a telling line I think, though I'm not sure about where the line breaks fall. They seem somewhat arbitrary. Perhaps it's just me but I am interested. How does a writer of free verse decide where the line breaks come? Helvigo Jenkins

Helvigo Jenkins

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hello Helvigo! I'm always so grateful for your thoughtful comments and I'm glad you liked this one ;) In response to your question about line breaks: when I first started writing my line breaks were so random and terrible! But over time and with practice I picked up a few tricks with line breaks and just got into a sort of rhythm, like I knew subconsciously where they felt right. I always make sure I don't have shorter words such as 'if', 'the', 'and' etc hanging on the end of lines unless it serves a specific purpose. I also try to use line breaks to my advantage to serve specific effects such as a pause or an abrupt change in rhythm. Hope this helps ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Nolan on
Yes. Finally we'll be blunt: "This is our end." Then it's done. As in "Schluss."