11. Do You Remember?

Collin,

I think of you every day, though I try not to. I try to keep your face from sneaking into my brain, but it happens so much that I just can't stop it anymore. I see you laughing, and when i appear at your side, laughing as well, I wonder about you.

Do you think about us? Do I ever cross your mind? And if I do, does it make you want to cry? Does it make you want to go back? Do you think of all those good times we had in that short amount of time? Do you wish it could have been longer, that we could still be together? I do...

Do you remember how we met? I think about Kasie's words all the time: "Collin Hickey likes you too" I remember her telling me I didn't want to meet you. I remember when you came up to us, and my heart melted. I told Kasie a lie, saying NO. I really just wanted to stay with you all night.

Do you remember me searching for you, without any reason? I only wanted to see you. What would I have said, if we talked? Do you remember how I had to hold back a scream when Kasie told me? I was jumping up and down, and dancing around.

Do you remember our first date? We held hands through the entire movie. I mis your hand around mine, and wish I still had that feeling. Do you remember that hug? How close we were to our first kiss? This is a big thing I regret, honestly.

Do you remember saying you wanted me to come swimming with you? Do you remember being excited to spend every waking moment of summer together? Do you remember when I beat you at Guitar Hero, and we stopped playing? Do you remember overusing "I love you"? Do you remember first telling me you loved me? Do you remember How afraid I was of telling you that terrible secret? Do you remember listening to our song together? Do you remember how you were afraid to meet my older brother?

I think about all of our good times too much, and I think of how my heart aches right now. I look at the difference. It was so alive, so strong. Now, after you, it's broken and weak.

I think of disappearing, seeing what happens. It's not just because of you, don't blame yourself. It is because of this: I f this life is what God had planned for me, maybe I just shouldn't live it anymore. So now I say Goodbye, make sure you know How much I love you, then disappear to the heavens above.