Written in the stars
By Beeme
Thu, 23 Dec 2010
- 1253 reads
10 comments
Your name is a ghost
replaying through time,
shining as stars in my universe
which rotates around you,
constantly revealing new
sides of yourself to me.
Your name is stuck at
the tip of my tongue
impossible to swallow,
always part of my language.
I've called your name,
more times than I wish to recall
but nothing replies,
only the deafening silence
of unrequited love,
a sound I pray is forgotten.
Removed from my body,
my bones ground into ash,
as nothing powers the beating
of my heart other than hope of one day
touching a fraction of your planet,
orbiting inches from my grip.
- Log in to post comments
Comments
You have worked so hard on
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
You have worked so hard on this, Beeme and I really admire that in a writer. It takes a lot of discipline and dedication to rework and then rework again, the same piece, but certainly, in this case it has paid off admirably;-)
Tina xx
- Log in to post comments
Yes, very good imagery and
Yes, very good imagery and clearly something coming from the heart.
Minor issue with punctuation - I think you want commas rather than full stops after 'time' and 'ash'.
Rob
- Log in to post comments
well done beeme - I echo
Permalink Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
well done beeme - I echo what tina says
- Log in to post comments
It fantastic Beeme,! another
It fantastic Beeme,! another of your poems one of my favourite :) xx K
"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "
- Log in to post comments
Just passing by, and
Permalink Submitted by Geoff Smith on
Just passing by, and delighted to see one of your poems cherry-picked, and very good it is too.
Really direct and clear and punchy.
Good stuff.
Thanks.
JM
Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.
- Log in to post comments