If you only knew

I wish you could see
how I twitch and burn
and shiver just
thinking of you

and those heady days
of breaking out
from crimplene guilt
and religious mania

spinning me round
flashing lights in my eyes
so I couldn't see where
I was going -

before sirens screamed
doors slammed
in my face

leaving letters unwritten
the bible unread
a half-empty glass
by a crumpled bed

all there was and all there is
and so much more besides
and I wish you knew
I wish you'd known

just how it felt
how it still feels
just how it was
for me