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Gold cherry

By maggyvaneijk

Mon, 28 Nov 2011
  • 5542 reads
23 comments
 

A kiss spreads slow like mist and I almost
forget the reason we were crying
as tenuous sheets of rain cloak our sad
little flat and echoes from last
night are caught in drops of water.

If the Chrysanthemums could speak they’d tell
us to stop screaming but sometimes
I find it hard to reach you without
raising my voice.

Your body is wrapped in a high
voltage fence, if I come too close
I’ll burn and fizzle like a moth.

Our better moments come undone
by those that follow when I call you
names and you spit in my face and suddenly
that smile I love on the pier in Brighton
becomes an awkward muscular contraction
that seems to tell me:

we are both planets, when we hoped
one of us was a moon. We orbit
and collide, time and time again
repeating mistakes in a big black bowl
wishing on a celestial fire
to set us free.

Certificate PG
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
Hi maggy, what a brilliant piece of writing, of human emotions. Relationships are full of ups and downs and you write about it so brilliantly in this poem. Great read and thanks for sharing. Jenny.

 

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
Thanks to both of you!

 

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
Thanks for your comment Richard, hope you're well. Relationships are a lot like those ornaments. In my head they're called Newton's Balls but after googling I realised it's "Newton's Cradle" :)

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on
When planets collide, I know the feeling well. Amazing, Maggy, as always. Rich

 

Submitted by oldpesky on
Hi maggy, hope you're good. I particularly liked - 'we are both planets, when we hoped one of us was a moon' Very good, as always.

Submitted by tcook on
This is our Facebook and Twitter pick of the day. Join us on Facebook at ABCtales.com Join us on Twitter @tcookabctales Get a great reading recommendation most days.

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
Thanks both Hudson and Pesky, I appreciate your kind words as always. And Tony, thanks for your ongoing support.

 

Submitted by cormacru999 on
Great imagery, great lines. saw this when they posted it on facebook. I'll have to check out more of your work!

Nicholas Schoonbeck

Submitted by ellis.bell on
I really enjoyed this Maggy, thank you. EB.

Submitted by MaliciousMudkip on
This is fantastic, lots of lovely imagery in it, and like a lot of people it seems, I can relate to parts of it too. Thanks for sharing. :)

 

Submitted by innes-may on
This is just beautiful. It has it's very own shape and colour, melancholy but tender and just...lovely. Innes x

Innes x

Submitted by seannelson on
Yes, I like it. Maggy certainly deserves some raving from time to time: "B.B.C.'s young writer of the year" or something of the sort I recall. A real talent early on in her journey. The first and last stanzas here are incredibly strong, I think, although it might be possible to think of another metaphoric term than "bowl," like "territory," which would rhyme better as well, though perhaps "bowl" has an accurate feel to it for Maggy.
"If I send you post-cards from the side of the road: photographs of movies, and hearts about to implode"  -  Elliott Smith

Submitted by rjnewlyn on
Very good. The circling planets metaphor is an effective one - just what life is like sometimes. Rob

 

Submitted by Overthetop1 on
Pure genius. Emotive and a wonderfully different way of usage of the planet imagery. Great comments, cherry and pick of the day. Quite right too.

Overthetop1

Submitted by Highhat on
I am always impressed by your work Maggy but never surprised at the fine quality. ;)Pia

Submitted by Highhat on
I am always impressed by your work Maggy but never surprised at the fine quality. ;)Pia

Submitted by agnelli on
This has a beautiful, wise perspective. It is a poem to be read on the morning I think. Thank you for this moment of clarity! I'm a planet. I used to be a moon, but it was rubbish..

Submitted by shoe on
Love it, and the planets bit at the end is inspired, utterly beautiful poem.

 

Submitted by cynthiae77 on
Maggy, you are an absolutely amazing writer!

Submitted by Leander42 on
I thnk TC's Facebook intro is bang on. You're light is definitely destined to burn brightly. I just wish I could produce stuff even half as good. It's peppered with wonderful imagery and there isn't a line I don't like. If I had to single out a section it would be: Our better moments come undone by those that follow when I call you names and you spit in my face and suddenly that smile I love on the pier in Brighton becomes an awkward muscular contraction that seems to tell me: we are both planets, when we hoped one of us was a moon. That's so, so good. The line ...and you spit in my face...just contrasts brilliantly with the softer emotions in the poem and brings out and adds focus in the same way that salt draws flavour.

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
"we are both planets, when we hoped one of us was a moon. We orbit and collide, time and time again repeating mistakes in a big black bowl wishing on a celestial fire to set us free." - absolutely adore the imagery in the final stanza. A beautiful tour de force, Maggy.Well done on the picks! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on
I think more than anything Maggy you understand the natural fall of words on to page - like all my favourite poets you never seem to overrun - lines finish where they should, syllables seem almost placed - but it all feels natural. Add to that you always tell a good story. More great writing. :-)

 

Submitted by TVR on
As you've collected just about all the superlatives going, I can only add that I really enjoyed this, maggy, in fact your words seem to wrap themselves around me. Excellent! sue

TVR