trust

By hmarie345

Sat, 21 Apr 2012
  • 371 reads
2 comments
 

Cool river water, The Tallapoosa,
washes over my feet.
I came here to forget how to remember
but I’m flooded instead.
Grandma’s home, fishing, seven.
“you can’t trust anyone but yourself”
Grandma doesn’t trust me.

Fishes swim and bigger fishes swallow.
a stab of nature.
I’m sorry, love.
I tried to trust him,
But how could I? He’s not me, wait.
“don’t trust anyone”
Mom doesn’t trust me.
the old oak tree I climbed is charred.
struck by lightning in ’98.
I fell from those branches
I couldn’t count on my strength.
I second guessed our pact.
the one set up so neither of us would second guess
the other’s word.
He yelled, I cried.
The sun beats me down
too warm
He walked out the door
too mad
The river sand between my toes feels wrong.
it’s grainy and there’s too much.
If I move away it follows, it sticks.
I’m everywhere I go.
I can’t be trusted

Certificate U
Poem
Poems
Journal

Comments

Submitted by scratch on
Well hmarie345. That's a good poem. I really liked the lightening tree image and the metaphor that I think is at work through the piece. Really good. I get the impression from the title that you are from the US. I think that the plural of fish is 'fish' or with ownership the apostrophe should be 'fish's'. But that is a minor detail on what is a super effort. I'm going to have another read before posting my comment - just a mo'. A great atmosphere of retrospection established. It's really good, can I suggest replacing the full stop with a comma at first line second stanza, or capitalising at the start of the second line of the same? I really like this poem, well done.

 

Submitted by hmarie345 on
Thank you for your great comment. I'm actually not sure what the plural of fish is. But thank you for pointing that out. I'll have to figure that one out for sure. And I definitely see what you're saying with the first line too. Thank you again for your comments. This is what I was looking for when I joined this site.