ABC OCD - Do You Have It?

ABC OCD - have YOU got it?

I have been examining my movements over the last few weeks since I have joined ABCTALES.
Self - assessment is not a new phenomenon in my life. I keep diaries so I can remember things, and also try to work out if I am in a good place, or bad, or up and down.

The thing is - I think I have discovered a new psychiatric disorder since joining ABC. And I have wondered if anybody else out there has ever had experienced of any of these symptoms. It would be a hell of a relief if anyone has.

And I think I know what I am talking about. I have, over the years, been diagnosed as having a wide - ranging variety of mental health problems.

Also, as Press Officer of a mental health charity, it was someone’s bright idea to put me in charge of publicising the booklets on various new mental health problems. So every time I read a booklet about something I previously remained oblivious of, well wouldn’t you know it - I had, or thought I had, all the relevant symptoms.

I will be awarding a banana for anyone who has trawled this far. I am trying to tell you about this new thing I think I have, and trying to establish my credentials for recognising a brand new disorder. So let’s get down to the nub of the thing.

Signs and symptoms of ABC OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

1) Being euphoric when you get a cherry for about ten minutes - then the worry kicks in and you think you will never get one again.

2) Reading other people’s work and thinking you will never, ever be that good.

3) Reading other people’s work and thinking that your work is as good as theirs yet they got a cherry and you didn’t.

4) After posting - you keep logging on to see if you have cherry.

5) After posting you keep logging on to see what comments people have made.

6) If you do not get a cherry and only about one comment you quickly delete your work.

7) You think that the editor in question doesn’t like your work, or understand your work.

8) If you have written a poem you become convinced that the editor prefers prose.

9) If you write prose you become convinced the editor prefers poetry.

10) You log on at strange times of the day or night - then if caught in the act pretend to you are ‘just checking your emails’. This is in the event of inquisitive members of you family enquiring what you are doing on your laptop at 3.00am

If you have can strongly identify your behaviour by agreeing with between one and three of the above then you need to start tracking your behaviour, as you could be in danger of developing ABC OCD.

If you agree with four or more of the above then you probably have got ABC OCD. You certainly require treatment which may consist of going on a long holiday where you have no computer access. No sneaking into internet cafes abroad. This would mean you are hopeless and require sectioning.

If you cannot remotely identify with any of the above then I don’t really think you can call yourself a writer as you clearly do not have the sensitivity to be creative.

I hope this has clarified the disorder and its inherent dangers. I am in recovery, however am still suffering frequent relapses. Excuse me - there's just something I need to check...