I'd do this for you.
By jolono
Tue, 02 Oct 2012
- 5595 reads
24 comments
I’d fight the biggest man alive
I’d wrestle wolves and bears
I’d even go to church each day
I’d say the longest prayers
I’d give up all my vices
I’d right all of my wrongs
I’d put my pen to paper
I’d write the sweetest songs
I’d work for every charity
I’d give up all my worth
I’d help to save the planet
I’d dig the hardest earth
I’d meet up with the devil
I’d sell my heart and soul
I’d throw away my vinyl
I’d stand on burning coal
I’d walk into the ocean
I’d swim against the tide
I’d run until my lungs burst
I’d laugh until I cried
I’d do all these things gladly
Just to see you smile again
I'd do them every day I breathe
Just to take away your pain.
- Log in to post comments
Comments
It's not only very well
It's not only very well constructed, but it conveys the anguish and the deep, acute and genuine desire. Though I'm sure he/she would cry, not smile to see you do some of those things! Rhiannon
- Log in to post comments
So powerful, it bursts with
Permalink Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
So powerful, it bursts with feeling
- Log in to post comments
Jolono, This absolutely
Jolono,
This absolutely great. I don't know where you get the idea you don't do poetry.
You do it so bloody well it makes me sick!
No,seriously, me old mate, you definitely do...do poetry!
Moya
- Log in to post comments
You can't say any more than
Permalink Submitted by The Talisman on
You can't say any more than that.
Well written.
- Log in to post comments
Yoo doo doo poetry. Yoooo
Yoo doo doo poetry. Yoooo doooo. Av seen it. A huv so ..
- Log in to post comments
moonphish - love will make
moonphish - love will make you move mountains alright....but throw away my vinyl ?.....lemme think on that one
- Log in to post comments
This is such a powerful
This is such a powerful declaration of love it hurts- well done Jolono.
;)Pia
- Log in to post comments
Um... it's kinda obvious j,
Um... it's kinda obvious j, you just 'did' poetry ;-) ... I battle with this often, watching another in pain and there's absolutely nothing you can do but sit there and hope I'm absorbing some of the pain... while sitting there thinking that life seems to be so unfair. On the positive, I've learnt that sharing the tough times toughens the bond too :-)
- Log in to post comments
Isn't love great...when you
Permalink Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
Isn't love great...when you think about it?
This was a poem of Real Love.
Very much enjoyed.
Jenny.
- Log in to post comments
Sell your vinyl? Now that
Sell your vinyl? Now that must be serious. Joking apart Jo strong stuff here. Sorry I'm so late on it. Hope the Spain trip went well.
- Log in to post comments
Like this Jolono :-) Feel
Permalink Submitted by lenchenelf on
Like this Jolono :-)
Feel free to lob a brick at me, have you considered breaking it up into stanzas eg:
I’d fight the biggest man alive,
wrestle wolves and bears,
even go to church each day
say the longest prayers.
I’d give up all my vices,
right all of my wrongs,
put my pen to paper,
write the sweetest songs.
etc
The repetition of the 'I'd' visually focusses the reader entirely on the narrator, whereas what you seem to be conveying is growing concern and frustration of direction to aid the well being of another, if that makes sense.
If it's written in irony or humour, throw two bricks *ducks*
very best wishes
lena x
- Log in to post comments