Alone.

So alone right now. It’s like I can see the whole of the world, and no one is here. Like 28 days later when he leaves the hospital and everyone has gone. The wind and the odd car alarm the only sound. I can even notice that the animals have disappeared; there are no screeching birds, no dogs barking. I fall to my knees and search for ants, beetles, flies?? But no, they are not here. I’m confused, why has everyone left me? Am I that bad, that selfish, that evil? I knew this would happen, I fucking knew it, I even looked forward to the day. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Slamming my head on the concrete floor, stupid fucking stupid, stupid. Dazed, I fall into a dream where everyone loves me, they all cheer when I enter the room. Laughing, I high five people, tears of joy fall down my face, fists pumped in victory, I get lifted up, crowned like I deserve.

A huge grin is tattooed to Josh’s face, mouth parted slightly, air gets stuck to the back of his throat but he doesn’t wash it away, he doesn’t swallow, he lets the dryness fill up, the uncomfortable urge to get rid of the feeling of choking, he stops himself coughing, eyes start to water with the helplessness. He finally swallows, his throat back to its relaxed self, lubricated and warm. He laughs at the dangers he puts his body under, from the mundane; denying it air for minutes at a time, to the extreme; causing ugly scars along the skin.