New Year's Resolutions For 2014

By hudsonmoon

Thu, 02 Jan 2014
  • 1172 reads
5 comments
 

New Year’s Resolutions for 2014

1.  Finish writing book
2.  Lose beer gut
3.  Stop being a Facebook whore (Name given to me by my son.)
4.  Give up plot to steal crown jewels.
5.  Convince boss I can pull off wearing robe and slippers at work. (I function best when in robe and slippers. If only I’d be given a chance to prove it.)
6.  Seriously pondering giving up number two resolution. (It’s been pointed out to me that I’d either have to give up beer, or, continue drinking beer, but followed by strenuous exercises. I’m not liking my odds of bringing this troubling resolution to a happy conclusion. So let’s just scratch number two and call it a night.)
 

Certificate U
Story
Humour

Comments

Submitted by jolono on

Happy New Year Rich.

Number one is a must. But it's not the only one thats realistic!

Number two is a complete no no. Beer guts are coming back into fashion. Thats why i've kept mine for so long. I knew one day that they would be all the rage and I believe that 2014 is the year they make a massive come back. Besides, woman love them ( they just pretend not to.).

Number three. Yes! Best stop now before its too late.

Number four is easy. I've also been working on that. I know the guy that keeps the keys for the tower and for a few quid he'll let us borrow them for a couple of hours. I met him in a pub a few weeks ago, really nice bloke. I think he said his name was Kevin or Kyle or Kim or Keith, anyway I'll track him down from the institution that he's living in and we'll get the keys and split the haul.

Number five. I tried it once, didn't work. Forgot to put on any underpants and you know how those robes gape open sometimes, well the customers at the Post Office got a bit upset! Apart from one old lady who asked me out for a drink....

Great choices by the way....

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Best response to a post in long time, Joe. Thank you.

Rich

 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

I think you should steal the crown jewels as if you wear a baggy hoodie to cover your beer gut you can stuff the jewels up the side. Do not assume that anyone like a beefeater or a sentry is watching you. Assume no-one is watching and you may (remember I said 'may' if things er um do not quite go according to plan) get away with it. All the best       Elsie

Submitted by VeraClark on

You forgot 6) Start a savings jar for UK trip. Missed this, gave me a smile.

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Thank you, dear vera. My pen seemed to run dry after that little piece. Except for the Craven thing I did for the York reading I haven't done anything but write silly songs to amuse myself in the kitchen. I think it's just another form of procrastination. I'm supposed to be doing the draft on my Craven book, but truth be known, I haven't looked at it in weeks. I need some sort of Raul Dahl disciplinarian to help me stay focused. And I do have a UK travel jar, btw. Right now it's got more shirt-sleeve buttons than actual coinage, but I'm working on it. I'd love to meet up with you fine folk one of these days. Hope you are well, dear lady.

Rich x