Outta Sight

By Philip Sidney

Tue, 23 Sep 2014
  • 2109 reads
15 comments
 

Behind the door,

in the dark,

under covers,

no one can see,

it’s just you and me -

and you don’t matta.

 

Along the street,

over the wall,

against a tree,

there’ll be no confession,

I’m above suspicion -

You’re the nutta.

 

Beneath contempt,

beside myself,

all guilt spent.

Between ourselves,

I’ve come to terms -

You’re too bitta.

 

Before you try,

beyond your limit,

no one hears,

no one cares,

down and out -

you’re in the gutta.

 

Deep within,

start again,

find a voice,

inside yourself,

show the world -

What really happened.

 

Certificate 15
Poem

Comments

Submitted by thornwood on

i like this. It speaks to me. Well done.

Stephen d

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you Steve.

Submitted by celticman on

I like this too. But then again I'm an underdog kinda dog.

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks celitcman.

Submitted by Bee on

I like it, too. It's written in a kind of 'don't give, Mate!' throwaway voice - dark, but there's humour in the style, as well.

I particularly enjoyed the rhythm and the '..tta' words.

Bee

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Ta Bee.

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Philip

This is a very complex and interesting poem. I see it as a person arguing with their conscience - trying to justify what they did - and yet I think there is more to it than that. 

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Jean, I'm setting up a few ideas I want to take further in some stories.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Speaks volumes to me.

Tina

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Tina.

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Tina.

Submitted by Geoff Smith on

I think I really like this, but I'm not sure. Are there two voices here or just one? If there are two, should they be separated? Regardless of that I do really like the structure and the directness. The whole does have a clear arc of narrative about it, and I like that aspect very much.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Jasper, the final stanza is supposed to be a different voice - the voice of the victim.  I was getting in the zone have my ideas, now need to find time to write!

Submitted by Denzella on

Philip,

I like this very much.  I like the structure, the simplicity and for me the last stanza if a different voice is encouraging the person in the other stanzas to have another go.  Let the past stay in the past and start afresh.

Moya

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you Moya!