Plant Me A Tree

Gold cherry

By Vesper Holly

Wed, 19 Aug 2015
  • 1536 reads
7 comments
 

Plant me a tree that blooms in the winter

Plant me a tree of feathers and bone,

stories and stone

 

Plant me a tree that blooms for the winter solstice,

petals of ice,

blossoms of snow,

Plant me a tree that shelters ghosts

 

Plant me a tree whose branches are pale plumes of smoke,

a tree that soars over the ocean

rooted on the spines of black tipped swallows flying in formation

 

Plant me a tree from the seed of your tears

circling the planet like years

 

Plant me a tree of winter, frost and bone

a tree of mirrors

gypsy eyes reflected

Of stories untold and wishes whispered

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by scratch on

Welcome - this is a wonderful start to your ABCtales 'career' lol.  Really well done with this.  It's simple and elegant, packed with feeling and wonderful, figurative language.  Maybe just maybe, lost a little focus at the very end but hey, this is a really good poem.

 

Submitted by Bee on

This is beautiful and wishful. I do agree with scratch about the last verse. For me, it just goes over to the point of spoiling it a bit, but then I read again without the last verse, and I think it could work well if you cut it. Perhaps ending - just as a suggestion, with 'Plant me a tree.' But that's only an idea, and I love the poem because of the delicately stunning fantasy images and slightly sad message.

Bee

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Wonderful range of imagery here. Nothing is cliched or over-written. I think the second mention of the 'spines of swallows' works better than the first. No need to repeat the image. Slight spelling error with 'solstice'. Really enjoyed the richness.

 

Submitted by scratch on

This is our Facebook and Twitter pick of the day!

Get a fantastic reading recommedation every day.

 

Submitted by hoalarg1 on

Lovely. Agree with the comments above. Just to add that the repetition in each verse made feel like the tree was swaying the the breezes.

 

Submitted by hoalarg1 on

Lovely. Agree with the comments above. Just to add that the repetition in each verse made feel like the tree was swaying the the breezes.

 

Submitted by Vesper Holly on

Thankyou so much for all the lovely comments and suggestions.  It's really encouraging to receive so much positive feedback on my first submission.  I agree with most of the critiques.  I wrote this in one go and barely edited before posting and I also felt it lost momentum at the end.  I am not a strong editor so feedback is so useful.  Anyway,  I have just revised it thanks to your suggestions,  and might go back and clean it up a bit more later.  Again,  thanks to anyone who took time from their day to read this!