Becalmed

Cherry

By Parson Thru

Sun, 01 Nov 2015
  • 5178 reads
18 comments
 
No wind 
Or rain
 
No rivers
Or trees
 
No people
Or conversation
 
No sun
Or moon
 
No motion
Or pain
 
No sacred Santiago

No scattering-wide of souls

A pilgrim of the spirit of life
A son of the breeze
 
Shooting at the Milky Way
Wandering outstretched arms
 
Stepping out by Saturn’s rings
From moon to Jovian moon 

A starfilled song of infinity
Crying out for Peace

 
Certificate U
Poem
Mortality Games
Spiritual

Comments

Submitted by VeraClark on

This has the desired effect.A real sense of greatness and serenity in the grander scheme of things. 

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Lovely! All those words thrown up in the air, then sit down and watch them fall. Thank you Vera. x

Parson Thru

Submitted by Bee on

Feels like letting go. 

Bee

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Hi Bee. It can be whatever it feels like. I think you might be onto something though. x

Parson Thru

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Thank you!

Parson Thru

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Very profound - making us feel like tiny specks in the grand sea of the infinite. There is a calmness about that thought.

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by animan on

Enjoyed, nice feel, beyond context, though, personally, I'd lose the penultimate line (feels a bit self-referential when that is avoided elsewhere) and end with:

A starfilled song of infinity
Echoing without end

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Hi animan. Thank you. Grateful for your suggestion. Will have a think. I'm always grateful when someone with knowledge of a critical point like the one you make comments. Please can you expand a bit on the point around being self-referential or not. I'm genuinely interested. Thanks again. Very much appreciated.

Parson Thru

Submitted by EvaT on

It reminds me of Rumi, this one. The rythm and philosophy that lie within it is beautiful. 

EvaT

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Thank you EvaT. Haven't read Rumi, but feel like I should.

Parson Thru

Submitted by animan on

I can feel a bit of a 'Biggus' coming on, as in:

'Rumi was roomy, while Sappho was ...'

Complete at will. And, no, the correct answer is not Sapphic - that's too easy.

get me out of here - I'm feeling digitophaustrophobic already. :)

Yeah, I hate smilies too.

 

Submitted by animan on

I think I meant that 'verses' seemed to refer to the poem itself, as in the poem itself was 'bridging universes', which of course it is, but, in seeming to point out that fact, it's kind of self-aggrandising itself slightly. Also, though I like the play with 'verses' and 'universes' a little bit, the use of 'bridging' seems to over-concretise between those more relatively abstract words around it. By the by, nothing wrong with a bit of umbrage - feel most free if so inclined. I am just the humble reader and poet-taster after all - what do I kernow??

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Ah, I see. The line isn't meant to reference the verses of the poem. The poem itself wasn’t intended to bridging universes, rather the figurative song. Of course, and I say this in all seriousness, what I intended while writing it barely matters once it is being read. So I take your point, entirely. It might need a tweak from the reader point of view. I was rather attached to that little line - the only one that made me chuckle but, writers know what they must do with their darlings. Thanks again animan. Really very grateful.

Parson Thru

Submitted by celticman on

soppy, but hey, man-hug!

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Received with a warmth equal to that of the Andalucian sun we're facing in the late afternoon. And returned in the same spirit.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Shannan on

... when so many are crying out for peace, when the antithesis takes away everything, why can't people create a better place... we have the resources and knowledge for creating a paradise and instead create emptiness... just sucks..

Thanks for posting Parson. Have a great week $

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Well said Shannan. Thank you. You too. X

Parson Thru

Submitted by MarciaMarcia on

Hi parson thru....love your expansion of mind....expressed with recognizable imagery  on theme. Time travel...warp speed.....all done right here, on the page.....isn't it grand....!!!     MarciaMarcia