The Bird Catcher ( Poetry Monthly)

Cherry

By jolono

Tue, 12 Jan 2016
  • 2993 reads
11 comments
 

He hides in the shadows,

this man sized demon.

Cloaked, still and silent.

He waits, patient.

Then, at first light,

when they begin to sing.

The bird catcher strikes.

 

The thinnest of lines are used

to capture his prey.

Worms wriggle on hooks

to tempt them closer

to their ultimate fate.

And, when they peck

The bird catcher strikes.

 

 

Certificate U
Poem
Poems of Life and Love
Other Fiction

Comments

Submitted by VeraClark on

This is sharp and brooding. Very clean on the page, most sinister imagery. Do you need exclamation marks? I dont reckon so. Makes more impact, more severe tone without them. Jolono, please write more poetry.

 

Submitted by jolono on

Thanks Vera. I thought I'd made him up, but now think there actually might be story about a character like him. Exclamation marks will be removed! I try with Poetry Vera, but I really don't think it's my thing. I'll leave it to the experts....

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

!

 

Submitted by celticman on

thinnest of lines. poetry and prose, I suppose! (there's another exclamation mark for you)

 

Submitted by EB on

Dark, brooding and sinister indeed. Perhaps a comma at the end of line three? Great picture of evil lurking in the shadows. 

Submitted by jolono on

Thanks CM. Sorted.

 

Submitted by jolono on

Thanks for the read EB, and the suggestion.

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

 the stuff of nightmares - and where did you get that terrifying picture from??

 

Submitted by jolono on

Hi Insert, next time we're at an Abctales meeting I'll tell you the story behind this. The photo I just found on line. Scary and so apt!

 

Submitted by Bee on

I like how this creeps up on you till that last line and strike. 

Bee

Submitted by jolono on

Thanks Bee. Happy new year!