Vergogna

By animan

Sun, 05 Feb 2012
  • 4632 reads
13 comments
 

(/vair-'gone-ya/)

~
There are 7 paths around guilt - gilt-
edged guilt: the guilt that twilights you
each morning after the day's brief crystal opening.
We can walk our way around - through meadows of innocence.
We can deny. We can obviate
by doing good. We can deconstruct.

Or, we can use it as lukewarm purgatory,
and turn the hot tap
and the cold with our mental toe, as we
drift the hours by - future as entropy.

There are no paths
around guilt. If there were, guilt would have
no function. It is its own end.

To live without peace and ...
can seem the only way: a stone in our shoe, a bonespur, a
cramping of muscle and mind.         

But, guilt is shared - guilt is a secret
compact. To render guilty is to deny our guilt.
~
We can weave shadows aound us. We can offer
as truth what is lie. We offer it as stony-faced,
pure, transient, a cool, warm, diamond sea.

And then, what if we are lied to?
We scour for clues, we feel
the inner silence. ~ We
think to find others are true,
someone somewhere is genuine. ~
We seek to receive what we rarely
give in ourselves.
~
But, to be guilty is not the most evil, but to
have been. To be unguilty is.
~
Guilty guilt is handed on & down,
is passed between compatriots, siblings,
generations . It's 'pass the parcel'
and 'musical chairs', until choirs fall
silent, until the sad man,
in isola,
says, yes, I accept this guilt,
I own it, I will not pass it on.

Certificate U
Poem
Other Non-fiction

Comments

Submitted by lavadis on
You write beautifully from a wonderful palate of words and expressions. For me and this is just a very personal comment indeed, had this been edited down a little it could be really special. As I say, that is a very personal opinion, you have a real talent.

 

Submitted by animan on
yeah, that's the second time I've had that comment recently. lol I seem to have lost the art of self-editing. Want to be my editor?? No pressure or nuffing.

 

Submitted by animan on
Thank you, Blessing. What radio prog tho? Haven't done one ever, I don't think. Maybe you're ahead of me. It's all to come?!

 

Submitted by animan on
No, it wasn't me. No offence taken tho. Funny tho, I was just thinking about John Peel before reading your note. He doesn't want to be forgotten.

 

Submitted by animan on

Yes, Lavadis your personal comment is accepted as true. It's been good to rethink this chaos a little more. I think I might get it 'right' one day. Thank you.

 

Submitted by Sim on

Deeply delving, truthful and moving. A beautifully expressed critique of human nature. (I see you wrote this 4 years ago!).

Sim

Submitted by animan on

Thank you, Sim. Yes, I wrote the original version of this 4 years ago. But the comments above have been humming in my mind since then, and I finally got it together to rework it heavily near the end of last year. Also, I'd thought/felt a bit more on the topic over those four long years and felt in a better place to make pronouncements, if that's the word - probably not, and so I did! I like the idea that, way behind the endless wave of new stuff posted on this site each day, there is still stuff simmering away in the background. 'Poetry', much like death and love, revenge and shame, never sleeps, just dreams. Don't you just love life!

 

Submitted by Sim on

Well I'm glad to have discovered this hidden treasure!. The last verse really rings true. I'll look out for more of your work.

Sim

Submitted by Sim on

Well I'm glad to have discovered this hidden treasure!. The last verse really rings true. I'll look out for more of your work.

Sim

Submitted by animan on

Well, the gladness is shared. And, I sense it is time for me to lodge myself into the clearly much admired 'Ribbentrop's Chair' - I look forward to it.

Animan

 

Submitted by Sim on

I hope you like it! The chapters won't necessarily end up in this order. It's important to build tension.
The Odessa chapter is going to be re-worked as I want to get inside the characters.

Sim

Submitted by animan on

Well, I've read Marcia, Sadie, and Bernard. I thought I'd stop there for a bit as I felt the need to savour and ruminate - a bit like going off for a cigarette and putting the DVD on pause. Yeah, it's very full of,life and detail and knowledge and cultural variety and of course Character. I love the sub-plot too. The Lavadis connection to all of this and his own confused feelings is very interesting and yet and too he is still so supportive. I love this way of using this new medium of storytelling, available through an interactive site, in such an inventive and exploratory and full and developed way. I feel slightly like a curious cross-dimension of the narrative, now, far away in a pension somewhere near Katherine Mansfield's. I have a question though: is Marcia connected in some way to MarciaMarcia? I sense the double-barrelled version is being a little coy. Great stuff - keep goin' with it!!

Animan

 

Submitted by Sim on

Wow. Thank you so much for sitting down and reading all that, Animan! How very kind and supportive - and what positive, useful feedback.
You'll just have to draw your own conclusions about the mysterious Marcia!

Sim