The Twelve Steps of Poets Anonymous

 

The Twelve Steps of Poets Anonymous

 

We admitted

we were powerless

over poetry and that

our lives had become

unimaginable.

 

Came to believe that

a power greater than

ourselves could restore us

to sanity. In an ideal world,

this could be, Simon Armitage,

or even at a push,

Pam Ayres.

 

If we have chosen

Simon Armitage.

We have made a decision

to turn our will and our

lives over to the care of him.

If we have chosen Pam Ayres.

We must look after

our teeth in the first instance.

 

Made

a

searching

and

fearless

moral

inventory

of

our

poems.

 

And no one else’s.

 

Admitted to Simon Armitage

and Pam Ayres,

to ourselves,

and to another

human being who can be bothered to listen,

the exact nature of our poems.

 

We are entirely ready

to have Simon Armitage

or Pam Ayres remove

all our bad poems that

result in defects of character.

 

These will be many,

maybe them all.

 

Humbly asked

them both to remove

our future poetical ambitions.

 

Made a list

of all persons we

had harmed with our poetry,

and became willing

to make amends to them all.

 

Made direct amends to such people

wherever possible,

except when to do so would affect our chances

of getting published,

or settling a personal score.

 

Continued to write poems

and when they are shit,

promptly admit it.

To everyone,

without hesitation.

 

Sought through reading and study

to improve our conscious contact

with Simon Armitage

and Pam Ayes

as we understood them,

praying only for knowledge

of their will for us

and the power to carry

that out.

Quickly.

 

Having had a spiritual awakening

as the result of these steps,

stopped being involved in poems.

 

For good!