Five go to Happy Island

“I’m really looking forward to this holiday,” said Julian, as they stepped off the ferry, “Happy Island sounds a hoot.”

“Yes,” agreed Anne, “it’s really fabulous, it’s so isolated it doesn’t even appear on the maps or anything. And hardly anyone lives here, we’ll practically have the island to ourselves.”

The five, four children and a dog, Timmy, who had the casting vote on all group decisions, trotted off across the island, looking for a good place to picnic and camp.

“Let’s walk up to the top of that cliff,” said Dick. “It’s must have a tremendous view.”

“Yes lets,” agreed Anne.

However, the view from the top of the hill wasn’t quite what they expected.

“How queer,” said Julian. “The entire bay is covered in abandoned fridges. Hundreds of them. Why on earth would anyone put them there?”

“Never mind why,” said Dick, “The real question is how? There are only two people on the island, it would have taken them months to carry all those fridges across the bay.”

“Yes, there’s somethings strange about this island all right,” Julian agreed.

“Look,” said Anne, “Over there, that patch of grass.”

“What about it?” asked Julian.

“It’s the absolutely perfect spot for a picnic. It’s got a view of the sea and the bay full of fridges.”

“You’re right,” said Julian. “And just behind it is the perfect spot to make camp. You and George get the food ready and Dick and I will pitch the tents.”

“Why don’t you and Dick ever make the picnic? said George. “You always get the fun jobs, pitching tents, or going adventuring.”

“It’s basic health and safety,” said Julian. “You girls would only injure yourselves pitching tents, or adventuring.”

“Yes,” agreed Anne. “And the boys are so useless at preparing picnics.”

Dick and Julian pitched the tents while Anne and George set up the picnic. Their mothers had provided sandwiches, pasties, pastries, cakes, biscuits, a small suckling pig, cheese, fruit, tomatoes and lashings of ginger beer.

Everyone agreed it was a rare feast, even though it was exactly the same feast they always had.

After eating, the children sat and watched the sun set, the fiery amber glow ricocheting beautifully off the rusty fridges dispersed randomly across the bay below them.   

After which it was time for bed.

xxx

The next morning, Anne started preparing breakfast as soon as she woke up. George was next to arise, the sizzle of sausage more effective than the trill of an alarm.

“The boys always lie-in,” Anne complained. “You’d think they’d be keen to leap out of bed and seek adventure, but they’re always last up.”

However, Anne was wrong, as at that moment they saw Julian returning to the camp from the other side of the field.

“Where have you been?” she said.

“I woke up at six,” Julian said breathlessly. “I heard a loud banging from over there,” he pointed to the house at the western edge of the island. “I ran over to see what the noise was all about, and saw one of the islanders hammering loudly on the back door of the other islander.”

“What on earth can have been so important to wake his neighbour that early in the morning?” asked Anne.

“I’m not sure,” Julian admitted, “But I distinctly heard the phrase ‘Evil giant porcupine’.”

“How queer,” said Anne.

“It really is queer,” agreed George. “Why was he knocking on the back door, not the front? And why knock, wasn’t there a bell?”

“Well I had a look round the house after the man had left,” said Julian. “There wasn’t a front door and the bell didn’t work.”

“No front door!” said George. “Everyone has a front door.”

“Yes,” said Dick, emerging sleepily from his tent, “Even my tent has a front entrance.”

Everyone laughed, even Timmy, who had a marvellous sense of humour for a dog.

“There’s something else.”

“What’s that Julian?” asked Anne.

“I can’t really describe it, you need to see. We’ll walk over there after breakfast.”

“How exciting,” said George. “Our first adventure.”

After a scrumptious breakfast of sausages, eggs, bacon and lashings of ginger beer, the children went to explore the mystery. Just outside the house was a pen of six livestock.

“What kind of animals are those?” asked Anne.

“Yes,” said George, “They’re really strange. They look like a cross between sheep and goats.”

“That’s because they are,” said Julian. “They’re geep, a sheep-goat hybrid.”

“How bizarre,” said George. “Why on earth would the islanders be producing cross-breeds?”

“This island is full of mysteries,” said Anne. “I bet we’re going to have an amazing adventure here.”

 “That’s enough of staring at geep,” said Julian, “Let’s explore the island properly.”

“Yes,” agreed Dick, “That way we’ll work up an appetite for our next picnic. We’ve got three whole pheasants to get through.”

“Woof,” said Timmy.

“It looks like Timmy will help us with the pheasants,” said George.  Everyone laughed, except Timmy, who didn’t see any humour in his offer, which was perfectly serious.

The children walked on, along the coastal path.

“This is a really good footpath,” Anne said. “It’s completely flat, like a road.”

“Yes,” agreed George. “This island is really disability-accessible. The paths are good and flat and have you noticed that there are ramps everywhere, at the docks, and outside every house.”

“Oh George,” laughed Dick. “You’re always on about disability-access.”

“Of course I’m disability-conscious,” said George. “After all this is the twenty-first century, it’s not as if we’re living in the 1920s.”

The children spent the rest of the day exploring the island, however, in the afternoon, just when they were thinking of stopping for a mid-afternoon picnic, it suddenly started to pour with rain.

“Let’s shelter in this big house,” Anne said, for luckily they were only a few yards from the house when the rain started.

They rang the doorbell and waited an age, before ringing a second and a third time. “Blast,” said George. “There’s nobody in. Just our luck to get soaked on the doorstep of a beautiful dry house.”

“The door’s unlocked,” said Julian. “Let’s go in out of the rain.”

“We shouldn’t really enter someone’s house without permission,” said Anne. “Isn’t that trespass.”

“Not if it’s raining,” Julian said, laughing. “It’s a universally accepted law that you’re allowed to walk into anyone’s house if it’s raining.”

“Yes,” agreed Dick. “Or go up the ramp if you’re a wheelchair user, isn’t that right George.”

Everyone laughed at Dick’s joke, even Timmy, who had a wonderful sense of humour.

“This place doesn’t look lived-in,” said Julian.

“What’s the point of such a big house if nobody lives here?”.

“I don’t know, Anne. Let’s explore and we might find out,” said Julian.

The children explored the house, which was just as big on the inside as it looked on the outside.

“This place really is huge,” said George, “There are dozens of bedrooms, snooker rooms, trampolining rooms.”

“Yes, and look at this” said Julian, “The famous Five indoor picnic room.”

“Gosh, how strange,” said Anne. “It’s almost as if we were expected.”

“Yes, let’s look inside.”

The room was the perfect place for an indoor picnic, a large astroturf floor, with picnic blankets splayed on top.

“Look at this,” said Julian, “A hedge in the corner we can use to hide in and spy on people.”

“And in this corner, there are a pile of strange objects for Timmy to fetch and bring over, so that we can say ‘What on earth have you got there Timmy, and start an adventure’,” said George.

“It really is a great room,” said Dick. “Let’s have a picnic here.”

“I’ve got an even better idea,” said Julian.  “Let’s find the kitchen and we can cook ourselves some hot food for a change. I’m bored with raw pheasant and cold sandwiches.”

The children didn’t take long to find the kitchen and Anne quickly found the pans and cooking fat necessary to grease and prepare the pheasants.

“Look at this on the wall,” she said. “A recipe for eggs sterminate. What on earth is eggs terminate?”

“Eggs sterminate!” said Julian. “That’s the main dish eaten by Daleks.”

“Daleks?”

“I thought there was something odd about this house. It’s owned by Daleks.”

“So that’s why there are so many ramps, it’s not for disability access, it’s for Daleks.”

“That’s the problem with your disability rights movement George, it’s left us all open to Dalek invasion,” said Julian.

“We’ll still have our picnic here though,” said Anne. “It’s awfully wet outside.”

“Of course we will Anne. We’re not scared of the Daleks. Besides, we’ve got lashings of ginger beer to get through and it is very wet indeed.”

The children managed to finish their picnic without being interrupted by Daleks, and when they looked outside it had stopped raining.

“Hurrah,” said George, who was used to the outdoor life and was prone to cabin-fever if she spent too much time indoors, “We can finish exploring the island. I’m desperate for adventure.”

The children continued their exploration of the island and before long the sun started to set.

“I vote we have one more picnic before going back to camp,” said Dick.

“Yes,” said George, “We can sit here and watch the sun set.”

Anne and George set up the final picnic of the day, while the boys went off exploring. Before long they were all tucking in to an enormous meal, washed down with lashings of ginger beer.

However, they’d barely finished the first crate of ginger beer before they heard the sound of people approaching.

“Look, said Anne, it’s the two strange islanders. They’re coming towards us.”

“Caught you in the act,” said the oldest man to the children. “Red handed.”

“You’ve not caught us doing anything,” said Anne angrily. “We’re just having a picnic. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“You’re the ones who stole my ginger beer,” said the older man, “And here’s the evidence.” He picked up an empty bottle of the Happy Island ginger beer they’d been drinking.

“We’re not thieves,” Anne protested, “We paid for them, didn’t you Julian.”

“Well, not exactly,” Julian confessed, “After all we were on an adventure. It’s an awfully big adventure breaking into a stranger’s shed for a little looting.”

“Besides, you did have an awful lot of ginger beer,” said Dick, “And there’s only two of you on the island.

“Never mind how many of us there are, it’s my ginger beer and stealing is stealing. I want you kids off the island on the next boat.”

“But we’ve not had an adventure yet,” George protested.

“It’s adventure you want is it?” said the man. “In which case, you can help us fight the evil giant porcupine that’s invaded the island.”

“Hurrah,” said George, “I love fighting giant porcupines. That really is a proper adventure. Much better than petty larceny.”

Everyone laughed, even Timmy, who had a marvellous sense of humour for a dog.