Waiting

I rolled the sooty glass pipe up and down my thigh, eyes closed, head resting against the toilet stall door behind me. It usually didn't take this long to kick in, which was frustrating. I picked off a scab from my cheek and chewed it, resentfully enjoying the gentle trickle of warm blood down my face. It was the most tender sensation I had felt in quite some time. The pounding of the music outside seemed to be trying its best keep up with my steadily increasing heartbeat, but was failing miserably. I waited eagerly for the cocktail of chemicals to ripple through my body with the next heartbeat, and the next, and the next…

Four dirty fingernails appeared from underneath the partition to my left, pushing a rusty blade along the cold tiles. I took it and unbuttoned my jeans so that I could access my groin with ease. Considering how stubby my fingers were, I was exceptionally talented at tracing the most delicate lines across my bulging thigh veins. Avoiding the thin, purple, spider-webbed scars from previous nights out, I carved tonight’s masterpiece into my blueing flesh, anticipating the throbbing pulse of adrenaline and torture with sadistic pleasure.

Yet still, no peace came with this pain.

I struck a second match and basked in the warm glow of my beloved pipe before I inhaled fully, deeply and repeatedly. The familiar bubbling sound provided momentary comfort and relaxation and I allowed myself to fall into a partially meditative state. The New Year’s Countdown from the crowd outside matched my heaving chest and I knew this year was going to be no different to the last.