A Different Kind of Prayer (Part 2)

It sucks needing to go through these thoughts alone.
But I know people would never understand.
No one would understand.
If God existed He would.  But that is a big if.
We don't know.  That is why it is called faith.
We believe what we do not know for sure.
God might not care.
It's not impossible.
We just assumed Him to care about each and everyone.
It's not a bad thing really.  He is God. 
If you expect something from Him, then you've lost the concept of Him being God.
Whatever He wants, He can do.  You don't blame God for anything.
Otherwise, you are looking at a leader... that's not God.
Someone you can ascribe norms to.
Someone human.
Not God.

Anyway, here I am again, lost.
Pretending to have it all together.
How long can I pretend I wonder...
Waiting for someone to find and rescue me.
No one has that power.  No one.
I am disappointed at what the world around me has become.
I am disappointed at myself for being a spineless coward.
A traitor.  A very loyal traitor at that.
How far have I fallen...
or is it all just a state of mind?
Maybe I really haven't been up anywhere.

Wherever I look around I see more capable people.
A world where I no longer bear any weight.
A world where I am no longer needed.
A place where I don't belong.

How far longer should I stay here?
Their principles are not mine.
Here I am trying to force outdated crap into their faces.
Should I be the one to change?
I'm afraid I might not have the time or skill to do that.
I don't even have the interest or energy.

Just let the world slide and move on without me.
I'll be here... with all the achievements I've gained...
They amount to nothing.  In the end, I find myself useless.
After the old comes the new.
The old is discarded and the new stands king.

Time, old grumpy friend.  Where are you?  Everywhere, nowhere.
Let's talk some more of days gone past.
Opportunities lost, and lives saved.
It was well worth it.
It was a good run.
If only I could repeat it I would.
I would change nothing... and yet, I'd repeat it a thousand times over.
Life was good, but everything comes to an end.