EXTRACTION!

 

 

EXTRACTION 
Presenter:

Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to EXTRACTION the game show where contestants answer questions from either Board A or from the more difficult Board B to get dental treatment for whatever is giving them cause for concern. So, can I have the first contestant, please?

A fearful woman steps forward

Presenter:

And your name is...

Cheryl:

Cheryl Donut.

Presenter:

Welcome, Cheryl, now, what’s your problem?

Cheryl:

I’m desperate because I need a filling.

Presenter:

So, you’ve come to play Extraction to try for it?

Cheryl:

Yes, this tooth is really giving me gyp.

Presenter:

Okay, Let’s go play EXTRACTION and your first question is What is the main ingredient of Tiramisu?

Cheryl:

Is it coffee?

Presenter:

Let’s see if that is the right answer. Flip the board. Yes, well done.

Cheryl:

I wasn’t sure but I thought I would go for it.

Presenter:

So you’ve got the filling. Do you want to go on to try for a local anaesthetic?

Cheryl:

Yes, please.

Presenter:

Okay, your second question for a local anaesthetic is, Who is head of the Catholic church?

Cheryl:

This is a complete guess but is it The Pope?

Presenter:

Flip the board. Yes. Well done. You’re on a roll. How bad is your tooth?

Cheryl:

Very bad.

Presenter:

So, do you want to go for the jackpot?

Cheryl:

Oh yes, please!

Presenter:

Ladies and Gentlemen this little lady wants to go for Extraction.

Loud cheers

Now she’s already won a filling and a local anaesthetic should she risk losing them by going for the jackpot?

Audience

Yes!

Presenter:

Well, Cheryl, are you absolutely sure you want to risk what you’ve already won?

Cheryl:

Yes.

Presenter:

Okay. Here is your third question to win tonight’s jackpot. What is the capital of England?

Cheryl:

Scotland.

Presenter:

Okay, flip the board. Cheryl, (BIG PAUSE) that’s the wrong answer. As you can see the capital of England is London. You’ve just lost the chance to have your tooth filled. Give the lady a big hand. She goes home without the filling she so desperately needs. Can I have the next contestant, please?

A man, Robert Fielding, comes forward clutching his jaw.

Presenter:

And your name is?

Robert:

Robert Fielding.

Presenter:

Welcome, Robert Fielding, and why have you come to play EXTRACTION?

Robert:

I have an abscess under a tooth and it’s agony.

Presenter:

So, you’ve come to play EXTRACTION hoping you can win the jackpot. Is that right?

Robert:

Yes, I’m desperate.

 

Presenter:

Okay, let’s play the game. Good luck. Here is your first question. Why did they take the word gullible out of the Dictionary?

Robert:

I think it’s because they thought the word was redundant.

Presenter:

Okay. let’s flip the board. Oh, Robert, you bombed out on your very first question. The answer is they haven’t because the word is not redundant as you are an example of its meaning. It looks like you’ll have to carry on with the Paracetamol. Give him a big hand, ladies and gentlemen, Robert goes home still in agony from his abscess. Can I have the next contestant, please?

A pretty young girl, Eleanor Wispy walks on

Presenter:

Don’t be shy. You’re among friends (To audience) She is, isn’t she, ladies and gentlemen?

The audience cheer

 

Presenter:

So, my dear, what is your name and why do you want to play EXTRACTION?

 

Eleanor:

My name is Eleanor Wispy and I have a gum infection.

 

Presenter:

So what treatment do you want to play EXTRACTION for?

Eleanor:

Antibiotics.

Presenter:

Oh, you’ve chosen a difficult and expensive treatment. You know your questions will be from Board B and they have twice the level of difficulty as those from Board A?

Eleanor:

Yes, I understand.

Presenter:

Okay. Let’s go play EXTRACTION. Now your first question from Board B is Who wrote A Brief History of Time?

Eleanor:

Oh, I know this. It was Professor Stephen Hawking.

Presenter:

Okay, flip the board. Eleanor, (Big Pause) that is the right answer. Do you want to go on to the next question?

Eleanor:

Yes.

Presenter:

Ladies and Gentlemen, give this plucky little lady a round of applause. Okay your next question from Board B is ‘Who wrote The Wealth of Nations?

Eleanor:

I know this one too. It was Adam Smith.

Presenter:

Flip the board. Eleanor, (Big Pause) That is the right answer. Tell me, are your answers just wild guesses?

Eleanor:

No. I have a PhD.

Presenter:

I’m sorry to hear that. Is there no treatment for it?

Eleanor:

Treatment! I don’t need treatment. A PhD is an educational qualification. I have a doctorate.

Presenter:

Really. I’ve got this bowel problem. After the show, maybe you could help me with it?

Eleanor:

You’re confusing a Doctorate with a Doctor.

Presenter:

Really. Ladies and Gentlemen, this little lady isn’t just plucky or lucky...she’s educated. Isn’t that a surprise.

Eleanor:

I’ve come on this show because I’m worried I’ll lose all my teeth if I don’t get some antibiotics to eradicate the gum disease.

Presenter:

Yes, that would be disastrous because if that happened you would need root canal work and that is the top prize for the winner of the All-Winners Series Finale. So let’s go for your final question from Board B. Which Archbishop of Canterbury crowned the Queen in 1953?

Eleanor:

Oh, that’s a tricky one.

She thinks for a while

Presenter:

I don’t want to rush you but I need an answer.

Eleanor:

Was it Archbishop Geoffrey Fisher?

Presenter:

Let’s see if that is the right answer. Flip the board. Eleanor Wispy, (Big Pause) you’ve just won yourself a full course of antibiotics. Give the little lady a round of applause. That brings this week’s show to a close. It only remains for me to thank you, the audience, for watching. Next week we will be in Cambridge where we hope to see some more contestants willing and desperate enough to play EXTRACTION.

If you are over sixteen and would like to participate in one of our shows please text or telephone the Dental Hotline for up and coming dates of auditions. Thank you and goodnight from all of us here at EXTRACTION. Don’t forget, Keeeep Brushing!

 

End