The Wolf
By HeyItsHarry
- 683 reads
Darkness. The weary sun had fallen under the mist of the horizon, forcing the night’s sky to take its place. To most this was a chilling time; the birds would fly high and out of reach within the comforts of their nests, the rabbits would seal themselves within their halls below the ground and the deer would hide below the brush on the rough ground of the forest floor huddling for warmth. But not the wolf. This was his time.
Once green and full of life the wolf staggered through the now white and frosted forest, the ground crunching and cracking below his feet as he did. The forest itself was ancient, the pine trees were thick and old, with roots which twisted and tangled through the cold earth and branches that hung low only just bearing the weight of the heavy snow. Calmly the wind whispered as snow began to lightly fall like autumn leaves onto the wolf’s thick and glossy silver fur. Despite the bite that the cold left most animals it did not affect him, the snow was a welcome sight to him; not only did it slow down his prey, but it helped to camouflage him from his hunters. The men.
It had not been long, only a few moons ago since the men had come. It had been a normal night; snow was falling, the winds were howling, and his pack was thriving. However, things were about to change. Flames began to appear from the darkness and not soon after his family were dropping like flies. Arrows sticking out of them as the snow buried their bodies. Seeing no choice, he fled, running as fast as he could. He was not without his injuries, however and had taken an arrow to his back leg. An arrow which still caused him pain.
Crack.
Suddenly he stopped. A deer had begun to walk out in front of him and unsuspectingly began to start tearing at the leaves of a bush as if it were desperate for food. Slowly and stealthily he crept forward silently until he was close enough. He braced his back legs and readied his claws before leaping onto his prey. Before the deer even had a chance to react it was over. The wolf’s teeth sunk deep into its back legs dragging it down to the ground in a shriek of agony before being silenced. Tearing his teeth into the tender meat of his prey blood began to spatter onto the snow staining it dark red.
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Comments
Wow, great idea to write a
Wow, great idea to write a story from the perspective of the wolf. The scene you set here is visually crisp and satisfying to the senses. The end of this section does leave the reader wanting to read more, so that's a good thing. Just a couple grammar points/word choices":
-"Once green and full of life the wolf staggered through the now white and frosted forest.."
This phrase, as written, means that the wolf was once green and full of life! After an adverbial phrase like that, you have to immediately put the subject of that introductory phrase. Such as: "Once green and full of life, the forest, now white and frosted,...."
-"as snow began to lightly fall like autumn leaves.."
I think a different metaphor would be better here. You're mixing two seasons, you want to keep the feel of winter in the front of the reader's mind.
-"Despite the bite that the cold left most animals.."
Awkward wording here; "that the cold left most animals" is not very precise nor normally used, as far as I know.
A good start. I'd flesh out the final paragraph a bit, add more description of the process of stalking and bringing down prey and how the wolf experiences that. But that is just my opinion! Add more soon, I'll be reading! Nice work.
Kat
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I hope there's more of this.
I hope there's more of this. Very atmospheric, a sense of struggle to come.
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