Godot

Cherry

By luigi_pagano

Tue, 12 Nov 2019
  • 1712 reads
6 comments
 
I knew of course
they'd be waiting for me
in a bistro in Montmartre
talking of existentialism
and Jean-Paul Sartre.
 
Drinking, I bet,
pastis with anisette.
I asked myself, “Should I go?”
 
But the night was young
and I was in bed with Juliet,
a dancer from the Moulin Rouge.
 
She had told me to stay
and I guessed that we would
go all the way.
So I gladly obeyed
and do not regret that I stayed.
 
© Luigi Pagano 2019
Certificate 15
Poem
Mutevoli pensieri
Surreal

Comments

Submitted by drew_gummerson on

I love the setting. 
 

Just an opinion. 
 

I'd change the structure. So you have verses of 5, 3, 3, 5. The first 2 verses I'd leave. 'a soubrette I had met' can go and the third line, 'a dancer from the Moulin Rouge'. And then lose a line from the last verse. Somehow. 
 

just a thought... I know very little about poetry. 
 

and like I said, love the setting and the story of it 

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Quote: "I know very little about poetry." Who are you kidding, Drew? I wish  I knew as much as you do.
A few strokes of the pen and you have transformed the poem into something passable. It reads so much better.
Thank, you.

 Best, Luigi

 

Submitted by drew_gummerson on

Great. I always worry giving my opinion. And, really, I don't know much....

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Cheers yes

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I can never read anything that mentions pastis without some terrible memories, so I can't say this poem gave me unalloyed pleasure, but I can see you've earned praise from others by posting it, so well done laugh

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

I can sympathise with your painful memory, Claudine, as I had a similar experience when a small tot. (Pun intended). After a party, the grown-ups had gone out the room leaving a few bottles of liqueurs behind. I and another child decided to drain the remnants of a bottle of kirsch. Needless to say our delicate stomachs suffered the consequence. and we didn't get any sympathy from our parents either.Even so the ordeal didn't put me off cherries! smiley

Luigi x