The Sausage Dog Today (2)

The staff at Today's Sausage Dog read through every article of the new rival publication, The Sausage Dog Today.

"Shit, this is good," said David. The main feature was the front page story about sausage dogs whose owners have an unusual second pet. 

"The photos are brilliant," David continued. "Look at this, a sausage dog and a llama. And have you seen the Silly Sausage cartoon strip, about the day to day struggles of a group of sausage dogs. The drawing is like to die for."

The first issue also featured an article on the new Police and Illegal Gatherings Bill, which, it claimed, could effectively ban mass gathering such as the Annual Great Sausage Dog Walk. 

"How have we missed this?" said Ella. "Banning the Great Sausage Dog Walk would be the end of the world. Barry met Gertrude at a Great Sausage Dog Walk."

"The legislation only applies if you're being a nuisance," Tony said. "Nobody would ever describe a sausage dog as a nuisance."

"It's still the sort of thing we should be covering," said Ella. 

There was also the first of what promised to be a regular feature of celebrity sausage dog owners. The first issue featured an interview with Brad Pitt and his pet sausage dog Boozer. The next issue promised an interview with Meryl Streep and her pet sausage dog Atilla. 

"Like who even knew Brad Pitt owned a sausage dog?" said David. 

"I wonder who else they've got lined up," said Ella. "I can't think of any celebrity sausage dog owners. They must have amazing contacts."

"It is rather good," Tony said eventually, having read every article carefully. "They've clearly put a lot of effort into the first issue."

"It's their main feature though," said David. "It's like they knew what we were going to print and deliberately went one better."

"We're going to have to work hard to keep our status as number one sausage dog magazine," said Tony. The next issue is the crucial one, it's all very well having sausage dogs going walkies with zebras, but how will they follow it?"

"The next issue is just after Valentine's Day," said Ella. "We should lead with a feature on the romantic problems sausage dogs face. They can't reach up to other dogs. It's why sausage dogs always mate with other sausage dogs. It's what makes 'the only sausage dog in town' stories so tragic."

"We have images we could use left over from the Different Strokes shoot," said David. "Sausage dogs with Golden Retrievers Labradors, we can find a romantic angle."

"Good," said Tony. "I'm glad you're not put off by the new magazine. A Valentine's theme is a strong idea. I'd like to see how The Sausage Dog Today compares."

A month later the new issue of The Sausage Dog Today was posted through the door of the office. 

In trepidation the trio opened the new magazine, to find a catchy front page entitled 'Sausage Dog Romance - Give your sausage dog a leg up in the world of dating with the enclosed free set of sausage dog stilts.