Fame

Fame

It all began when I was about five. A precocious child with big blue eyes and blonde curly hair. And a mother with an eye to the main chance and with ambitions which far exceeded my, and her, ability. Saturday mornings saw dance classes, elocution to improve my less than perfect accent. Mother’s idea was modelling. She trawled me around all the agencies but I did not possess that little spark. I got a few jobs but nothing special. Then when I started secondary school I found it. I was never very academic but loved to show off, thanks to my mother. Auditions for the play and I got the lead. My life as an actress lay before me.

I had moderate success even spent some time in Hollywood. I was recognised when I went out shopping, giving me a great thrill. As I got older jobs became few and far between but my agent worked hard. I began auditioning for some of those reality shows, got close to being in the jungle but I was not eccentric enough. Appeared on quiz shows, never bright enough to win anything. Even did some of those cookery shows. Sadly my talents had never developed that way. I was rapidly becoming a B list celebrity.

I was still recognised, stopped in Sainsbury’s and asked for my autograph. Not that they really knew who I was.

Sadly jobs suiting my abilities are few and far between, and that’s when this job came up. A TV advert.

I hate dogs. Too needy, too in your face. Want you there all the time. Give me a cat any time. My Cleo, a real pedigree and a real Madame. She looks at me disdainfully and will occasionally let me show her a little affection. 

You might have guessed, this tv ad was for dog food. And this is where my acting abilities came to the fore. I had to sit with this creature, an enormous beast of a dog, and pretend he was the love of my life. I smiled with my newly whitened teeth accentuated by my plumped up lips and dished out some appalling slop to the monster who wolfed it down. Strangely the manufacturers liked me and have signed me up for another ad.

I feel my skills are wasted somewhat but I can’t complain the money’s not bad and now in Sainsbury’s I get ‘Aren’t you in that ad with that lovely dog?’

I go home to my  supercilious Cleo and dream of the ads I could make with her.