Blue

 

BLUE

 

I don't remember his face

it was so long ago -

small, crumpled yet perfect to me,

but I do remember the silence

after he ceased to breathe,

I looked, I saw

blue

before they took him from me

I never asked where...

and neither did you.

 

So different with you, his sister -

you I had for half a lifetime

yours, mine – but not long enough

 

You remembered him too,

faint, disconnected memories

of a baby, who came and went

leaving your child-mind in turmoil

as mine is now...

 

I see you on my shower-seat

that last Sunday -

woman-child,

as I bathed you, washed your hair

dressed you...and one last time

laid you on my bed,

watching for the rise and fall,

noting your pallor, searching for pink -

reassured hearing your soft snoring

 

You asked for tea, Earl Grey,

your favourite, made with love

and gratefully sipped -

I've had a nice time, you said,

as I held back tears, wanting to

keep you right here, fearful…

 

I let them take your brother,

but I knew that couldn't happen again -

brother and sister,

new and young-old, my

imperfect creations -

so I returned you to the so-called

place of safety.

 

Three days later I heard a doctor

utter those same words -

your son/daughter hasn't made it,

I'm so sorry..

 

Disbelief - I had to check for myself,

see your lifeless body

noting your hair needed washing again,

when I touched it, it felt the same -

next Sunday, I thought -

but then I saw your face,

mouth half-open as if to speak,

and I knew what I did not want to know -

fate had struck twice

two out of three.

 

I had seen blue before, so of course

I knew - kissed you goodbye and

turned to my one out of three,

my only child, still holding on to you,

willing her life into yours..

blue, she said

I nodded,

Blue.