Lactobacillus Bulgaricus or Bust!

Cherry

By Turlough

Tue, 23 Apr 2024
  • 1304 reads
22 comments
 

 

It’s good for aches, it’s good for pains

It invigorates old folks and weans

Sends power surging through the veins

Don’t spill it or you’ll block the drains

 

In our superstores the yoghurt aisles

Are measured not in feet but miles

The government’s compiled thick files

On how it makes we Bulgars smile

 

Doctor Grigorov’s bacterial work

Identified its healthy quirks

Would bring long life and other perks

If in our gut its microbes lurk

 

It fills internal gaps and voids

It sooths those stubborn haemorrhoids

To leave you feeling overjoyed

The Jedi feed it to their droids

 

It sanitises lungs and spleens

Embarrassing rashes you don’t want seen

And places where the cat has been

Some uses considered quite obscene

 

We’ve been eating it five thousand years

It sharpens eyes and tongues and spears

Adds a unique tang to homebrewed beers

Ladies dab a bit behind their ears

 

You’ll only find this in our lands

And perhaps a bit out in Japan’s

For the secret of this precious brand

Countless yen have passed into our hands

 

You can search our shops with all your might

But you’ll never find a Müller Light

All that flavoured stuff’s polluted shite

If it’s not Lactobacillus Bulgaricus it’s just not right

 

Image:

My breakfast… Bulgarian yoghurt topped with pine honey. Both locally produced, healthy and moreish.

Certificate 12
Poem
Poetry in Commotion
Humour
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

You enjoy writing poetry raps as much as you enjoy your yoghurt, Bulgarian! Sounds strong! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Turlough on

Many thanks Rhiannon.

I forgot to mention that Bulgarian yoghurt makes life rhyme.

Turlough

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Sounds like a very healthy way to start the day Turlough. I'd never heard of this friendly Lactobacillus Bulgaricus before, it's certainly quite a mouthful...if you'll pardon the pun. wink

Great use of the I P. and you've taught me something I didn't know, as I had to go and look it up.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Turlough on

I'm hoping that every comment about LB on ABC Tales will generate a commission payment from the Bulgarian Agriculture Ministry.

So many thanks for your contribution Jenny. Every stotinka helps. 

Turlough

Submitted by seashore on

Only you could write so much about yoghurt and even make a claim that your adopted country makes something better than anywhere else.

I'm a big fan of yoghurt but now due to my restricted low fat dairy free diet, I have to settle for a plant based alternative, despite breaking the rule one day last week by treating myself to a Turkish snack of poached eggs in garlic yoghurt...I'd just come from a health shop too. Still alive. Just.

Submitted by Turlough on

It's not my claim Coral. It's a scientifically proven fact.

Apparently, even for lactose intolerants, a mere spoonful a day has enormous health benefits. Our honey is fabulous too so that will probably be the basis of my next poem.

The Turkish dish you described originates in Bulgaria. It's called Panagyurski Eggs (Yaĭtsa po panagyurski) originating from the town of Panagyurishte and was copied by the Turks during the time of the Ottoman occupation of Bulgaria. The Turks didn't have (and still don't have) the right yoghurt.

You'd be amazed at how many wonderful things originated in Bulgaria. It's a most fascinating and very underrated country.

I'm glad you're still alive... as ever!

Turlough

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

A very entertaining IP response, thank you. Even though I dislike yoghourt with a vengeance, I'm glad to hear of this one's miracle properties!

 

Submitted by Turlough on

Ah, but... have you ever tasted our yoghurt? Ours is more like clotted cream than anything Danone have to offer. You can eat it with absolutely anything. I'll bring some to the Zoom reading.

And thanks for the cherries.

Turlough

Submitted by celticman on

not sure I'd like the taste, but I like the sound of it, here. 

 

Submitted by Turlough on

What I really love about it is its fungicidal properties, which I forgot to mention.

Turlough

Submitted by Tom Brown on

There are so many comments perhaps my effort is repeated, but apparanly this yougurt and the clean fresh mountain air prolongs your liefspan greatly, often people live to 110 years and longer.

Cheers! Tom

 

Submitted by Turlough on

The surge in popularity of motor vehicles has perhaps diluted the good name of our mountain air but what they say about our yoghurt, apparently, continues to be true. I eat it every day and often feel like I am 110 years old. But seriously, science never lies and it is very very good for us.

Many thanks to you Tom for your time and much valued comment.

 

Turlough

Submitted by Tom Brown on

Funny! How old are you?

 

Submitted by Turlough on

I'm 66 Tom, but the time flies by so fast these days.

Turlough

Submitted by Di_Hard on

"In our superstores the yoghurt aisles

Are measured not in feet but miles"

I had not thought about that. I guess like olive oil in Greece? Wonder what we have miles of? Crisps? Breakfast cereals?

Didn't know whether to mention it, (whispers)but there is a vegan yoghurt with L Bulgaricus, your poems are much more life enhancing and don't cost £2.10 :0)

 

Submitted by Turlough on

We have labyrinths of crisps and biscuits too Di but our supermarkets don't sell much of the other processed foods that you have over there in the posh end of Europe. Here we don't have prepacked sandwiches, prepared meals, pies and pasties, tinned soup, fish fingers, tomato ketchup or bottles of squash drinks.

They usually have a limited stock of flavoured yoghurt, peanut butter and English style tea in branches of Lidl (where the English people go) but generally speaking there's little demand for them. Much to the annoyance of the European Union, our government insists that at least 50% of the produce on sale must have originated in Bulgaria,

There are specialist little kiosks around the place that sell Bulgarian savory pastries cooked on the premises and which are hot and cheesy and delicious and great if your ambition is to become obese but we've nothing that compares to Gregg's.

As far as the natural yoghurt is concerned there are dozens to choose from. I've been here eight years and I know a few that I like and a few that I don't like (the very runny ones) but most of them I know nothing about. They should hand out tee-shirts to people who have tried them all.  

Priyatelkata makes vegan LB yoghurt at home. It's a little bit cheaty because you have to put a small amount of normal LB yoghurt into it to introduce the bacteria. It's very nice but lacks the extreme deliciousness of the real thing. Is bacteria animal, mineral or vegetable?

Thanks very much for your continued interest in the country that harbours me.

Turlough

Submitted by Di_Hard on

She does? Wow, that's interesting! Kudos :0) I nearly tried, but then reckoned the vegan milk is so expensive anyway, probably not worth risking wasting it all if it didn't work. I get the yoghurt when it's reduced as a treat. Does Priyatelkata have a proper yoghurt machine?

 

Submitted by Turlough on

The soya milk is quite expensive here too so she makes it very cheaply herself from soya beans but it's an awful lot of work. So then after all that faffing with every kitchen implement that we own she then sets about making the yoghurt which is also time consuming. She does have a machine which is really just a heater containing seven small glass jars but the big effort is in the preparation to reach that stage. It's nowhere near as satisfying to buy the carnivorous yoghurt locally but it's a million times easier, and it tastes much nicer too. Too nice... we sometimes eat it with a spoon straight from the fridge when nobody's looking,

Priyatelkata also makes tofu from the soya bean stage. This is loads better than the shop bought stuff. In fact I'd say it's the best I've ever tasted. It's not as wobbly as you'd expect tofu to be and sometimes she gives it a smokey flavour by using a couple of lapsang souchong teabags in the process.

However, her art and her writing (about dreams, in French) and her gardening all take priority over this malarkey. She's a star woman!

Turlough

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou for your reply :0) I wish she would do diary entries too, but my French is not so good. She is much more brave in the kitchen than I am!

 

Submitted by Turlough on

We all have to be brave when she's working in the kitchen! 

laugh

Turlough

Submitted by marandina on

"..And places where the cat has been

Some uses considered quite obscene..."

That line made me laugh.

Poor old Muller Lite lambasted like that. Still...your local alternative does sound yummy. A rapping, rhythmic, humourous invective adroitly done, Turlough!

 

[Mighty Leeds big 4-3 win at Boro t'other night. Squeaky bum time at the top of the Championship]

 

 

 

Submitted by Turlough on

Thank you Paul.

The effects of the combination of the probiotic yoghurt and the typical end of season faffing around of Leeds United are such that I daren't risk testing the squeakiness of the bum at the moment.

 

Turlough