the Captain's Constitutional

The

Captain’s Constitutional

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2025

Staging / FX

 

Simple staging, light to  follow Capt. Salter.  

FX: Music / street cries /traffic   tape or cast members

 

Cast

 

Captain Edward Salter MC

Narrator (of stage directions) and other cast members to be played / voice by two / three  others – 

Chatsworth

Telegram boy

Promenaders..

Veteran

Alderman Braithwaite

Sybil

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Captain’s Constitutional 

Act 1 Scene 1 - INT

Early evening at the Grand  Hotel, Spring 1918

Chatsworth, the hotel manager setting out  the evening papers. 

A calm atmosphere interrupted. 

Post Office Telegram boy enters foyer breathless from cycling 

Boy

Telegram, Telegram, immediate, Captain Edward Salter MC

Chatsworth

Is that noise really necessary, son? Leave that with me. I’ll see the Captain receives it immediate.

Boy

War Office it says here, Big Push, recall, I shouldn’t wonder

Chatsworth 

I’ll give you big push if you don’t hop it sharpish

Salter enters from grand staircase, faintly singing ‘we’re here because we’re here because…’ full officer’s dress, MC ribbon, adjusting cufflinks, dashing. Stops abruptly on seeing telegram boy. 

Salter

Something on, Chatsworth? I’ve had more peaceful evenings on the Vimy Ridge.

 To boy

Good evening, young man, which outfit are you with? King’s Own Rifles? 

Boy

Saluting. I wish. Royal Mail sir, 16 next year, can’t wait…

 

 

Salter 

No doubt the show will be over by then, sunshine. And don’t salute me. Not wearing my cap. Regulations. Nothing for me then, Chatsworth?

 

Chatsworth

Not as yet, sir. Enjoy your constitutional. Fine evening for it, if I may be so bold.

Salter

Thank you Chatsworth. As I said the moment you hear anything…

Chatsworth

Right you are, sir. 

Salter saunters out whistling ‘ Let the great big world keep turning.’

The boy is waiting.

Chatsworth

 He will have the telegram immediately after his evening stroll. Another hour won’t change the world. Captain deserves it after all he’s been through. Promise, lad. 

He offers him a coin. 

Scene 2 - EXT

Boy leaves ringing his bell cheerily as he passes Salter on the promenade calling out  - Good luck,  sir

Salter on the promenade. Sound of waves, horses, a pleasant evening throng…

News vendor

Extra, evening special, push for imminent victory?

To Salter. Newspaper sir?

Salter

Not this evening, thank you. I believe I read that one earlier.

News vendor pauses before resuming his cry.  Salter strolls on. Humming to himself ‘Down at the Old Bull and Bush.’ He takes deep breaths of sea air, cordial greetings to everyone he meets:

Local man

Hit ‘em for young ‘un, you tell ‘em from me.

 

Salter

Good evening my good fellow. And who shall I say told them?

Local girls 

1 Hello handsome, buy a girl a drink.

2 Or two 

Salter

 Good evening Ladies, I’m sure the quartermaster can muster  a dry sherry at my quarters after taking this sea air. 

Local girls

giggle, moving on but in earshot La-dee da

The stroll continues convivially, waves, seagulls, brass band playing a music hall melody, he sings along, an automobile backfires, he is momentarily disorientated , manages to resume his singing quietly with difficulty, then sounds recede. He sits quietly on bench facing sea. Salter reads out the inscription on the bench. ‘In Memoriam: to those souls who rested here and found peace in this place.’

Veteran

interrupts his reveries

I am so sorry to disturb your peace sir, do you mind if I join you, not so steady on my pins as I once was. Or should I say pin?

Veteran props his crutches and struggles to salute before sitting.

Salter

No need to salute here soldier, the sea doesn’t recognise rank.

 

Veteran

Nicely put, sir.

They sit contemplating the sound of  the waves.

 

Salter

Where were you, corporal? Forgive me. I shouldn’t ask.

 

Veteran

Kind of you to ask sir. Some new-fangled machine, a tank they call ‘em, unexploded shell changed its mind, you can see the result. Or the absence of it.

You sir, I’d be honoured to hear your story? Military Cross!

Salter

That? Oh, nothing.

The sound of the sea

Salter

I would like you to accept a cigarette, young man. Finest tobacco. I had them sent up from London. 

He pats his military jacket. 

Sorry. I must have left my case in the dugout, digs I mean. 

Veteran

Not to worry sir. May I look forward to a smoke with you on your next leave?

Salter

Deo volente.  It’s my lucky case. Stopped a round in Ypres that had my name on it. 

He is becoming agitated.

Must return to my hotel. It has to be there. Lucky you see. Luck. 

He is leaving

I have to go, corporal. Forgive me.

He is hurrying along the front, the noises of the promenade seem less convivial, motor vehicles,  a military lorry,  a dog, the brass band playing a military march… He bumps into a man.

Salter

Excuse me. My error.

 

Alderman

I say, that you, Captain Salter? Alderman Braithwaite. It was my privilege to present to you the Freedom of the County .  I am so pleased to see you exercising it.

Sybil my dear, this is Captain Salter I was telling you of, youngest MC in the British Army. Allow me to present my daughter Sybil.

 

Salter

Alderman Braithwaite. Miss Sybil, how absolutely enchanting. 

Please excuse me.

Alderman

You are in a hurry young man. Anyone would think you were expecting a telegram from the King. A splendid evening for a port at the Grand. Speak up, Sybil.

Sybil

Do join us, Captain, do…

Salter

Please accept my apologies.

From across the road the call of a flower seller

Flower seller

Lavender, lovely lavender, flowers for your sweetheart

Sybil

There be another time, Captain, I’m sure.

 

Salter

Edward please. I am sorry, where are my manners? What is your favourite flower, Miss Sybil? Something to remember me by.

Alderman

I say, Salter, no call to upset the girl.

 

Flower Seller

Lovely flowers, flowers for your sweetheart.

Salter

Do you like lavender, Sybil? It is some time since I saw lavender. Wait here a moment. I will be back directly.

Chorus (all the cast members)

Look out, Captain Salter, be careful,  comeback, look out

He rushes across the road. Cacophony of noise, heavy motor vehicles, shouts of men.

White noise/ The sound of the waves/ Fade

The Captain’s Constitutional 

/

 

 

 

 

 

 

         jk c2024