The Book: Chapter 9

Alice had brought the book home to read, though it repulsed her and she didn’t know why she’d done it. Her house felt contaminated, as though the novel’s malice had seeped into the walls, and she had an uncontrollable urge to scrub everything with bleach. She wanted it out—and she wanted it close. She craved it.

That morning she’d woken up tired, but had a glorious day off and intended to make the most of it, despite the threat of rain.

Mick’s frustration over not being together much had put a wedge between them. It hit Alice and made her aware of how much she’d neglected him. Their relationship meant the world to her and she vowed to force time off regardless of how short-staffed they were. She couldn’t fix a healthcare system that buckled under impossible workloads just by being present, and if she stepped back, it might highlight the cracks they were trying to patch. However, saying it and doing it were two different things, and even after arranging the locum cover, she felt guilty.

Torn between her vocation and personal life she felt stretched like a long pause. Today she was releasing some of that tension.

The rain hadn’t come, but the clouds hung low in a dull pewter canopy above them. Alice tried not to think about the book. She wanted to make things up to Mick, even if it was too late to undo the sleepless night spent hunched over pages that breathed malice. She’d found it impossible to stop reading and go to bed. The book had kept her awake. It was calling to her and she heard it whispering in her head. She’d spent the night, under a throw in her cosy corner, and Mick was pissed with her.

He'd come into the conservatory where she was reading at four in the morning. He was confused and asked if he’d done something wrong. Barefoot on the cold floor and bleary-eyed, he carried a world of accusation in his eyes. They’d rowed. But she couldn’t put the book aside and go to bed, she had to know what was coming for them next. It was all there: Eddie, Anna, Lisa, the fight at the nurse’s station between a staff member and a patient’s relative—all of it.

That morning, she promised they’d have a good day. She’d make it one to build memories from, to remember when they were old. Her mind reeled about what to do with the book and no matter how much she tried to put her persecuted thoughts aside, they came straight back. People would think she was mad—but when they read it for themselves, they’d see.

‘Do you think the rain will hold off, or are we about to star in a low-budget survival movie?’ Mick asked, adjusting the straps of his backpack. His long hair curled over his shoulders in the damp air and loose strands framed his features.

‘It’ll hold,’ Alice said. ‘And if it doesn’t, we’ll audition for the sequel.’

There was happy boyishness in Mick’s smile, and the horrible book was pushed aside. She knew she’d been going on about it, but its call had seeped into her. It was undeniable, insidious and insistent. But if Mick could ignore the storm clouds, so could she. She slipped her arm through his. ‘Do you remember the time in the carpark at Fell Foot Park in the pouring rain? The car with rain pounding down on it, the sleek bonnet—us.’  

He laughed and grabbed her in a fierce hug, squeezing her bottom with both hands and letting her feel for herself how he remembered. ‘It’s not the romantic picnic I had in mind, but sure. Who doesn’t love a steamy carpark story?’ He leaned in, kissing her temple. ‘It might end up in that book of yours.’

‘I bloody hope not.’ She blushed and turned away, remembering happier days.  

I’m glad we’re doing this, it’s ages since we had a day out,’ he said.

Alice smiled. He wasn’t wrong. Between her obsessive need to decode the book’s secrets and the endless hours she’d taken on at work, Mick had been relegated to the background. And he’d been so patient it hurt. But even he’d had enough. She owed him this and so much more. She wanted to give him the version of herself from when they first met. She’d been carefree and full of energy before her job, and the book, diminished her, pressing her into a smaller mould. He didn’t sign up for this.

The rain fell on the way to Keswick, but it stopped before they pulled into the carpark. The trail leading up through Dodd Wood to the base of Skiddaw had a weathered sign with arrows guiding the way and the smell of pine trees welcomed them. The wood was dense. A place where the world drifted away, muffled and distant, left somewhere in the past and there was only here and now. The crunch of moist leaves beneath their boots and sweet birdsong, renewed after the late summer shower, filled the quiet. It was perfect.

They walked in silence, and it spoke of familiarity and comfort. Alice watched Mick. He moved with confidence, his strides purposeful and unhurried. His shoulders shifted under his jacket to the beat of the forest and she loved how he carried himself. He could handle whatever the world threw at him and that was a stark contrast to the chaos she felt.

She thought about the book.

And threw the thought away.

She’d enjoyed the silence between them but it had to stop now. It allowed the bad thoughts to crawl inside her. In her head, she went through every tree she knew and categorised them into deciduous and evergreens until Mick saved her.

‘Remember the last time we went hiking?’ Mick asked. He grinned at her.

Alice laughed. ‘How could I forget? You fell in the creek and spent the rest of the day in wet socks, sulking.’

‘Not sulking, I was preserving my dignity. You were the one who dared me to jump it in the first place.’

‘You insisted you could make it.’

It felt good to laugh again, easy like it should be. The tension in Alice’s chest loosened for the first time in weeks. She let herself enjoy their day, soaking in the simplicity of being with Mick.

They reached a clearing at lunchtime and the sun did its best to break through the overcast sky. Mick spread a blanket, securing the corners with rocks while Alice unpacked the sandwiches and flask of coffee they’d brought. They sat close as they ate and talked about nothing in particular. The woods were vast enough that they were the only people in the world.

Mick leaned over to brush crumbs from her jacket. His touch lingered, his fingers brushing her arm.

Alice’s chest tightened, but it wasn’t guilt this time. It was love. She kissed him, cupping his face. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted,’ she said.

He smiled, but there were clouds in his eyes she couldn’t read. ‘I know you’ve got a lot on, but don’t forget about us, okay?’

‘I’ll find more time. I promise.’

The world fell away while she kissed Mick, but Alice knew promises were fragile things. The book tried to get into her head, and she pushed it away as they made love on a blanket in the wet grass. They felt like wanton teenagers and had the added possibility of getting caught.

The trail was muddy when they started walking again. Slick with mud after the earlier rain, the uneven ground needed more caution on the way down. Mick was ahead of her on the steep descent that hadn’t seemed so bad going up. He moved like a mountain goat and they chatted about light things, to avoid tension and curt remarks. He laughed about how they’d beaten the next bout of rain when his foot slipped on a moss-covered rock. He pitched forward and for a horrifying moment, Alice watched him freefall tumbling and helpless as he rolled over rocks. A few feet below him the trail narrowed and the world fell away to certain death. She screamed, covering her mouth as she watched him crash into boulders and branches, plunging helplessly down the slope.

He grabbed a tree root, just before lurching over the drop and Alice scrambled down the trail after him. Her legs felt weak and threatened to give way at the thought of how close Mick had come to sliding over the edge. The gully below waited for him with jagged rocks and fast-flowing water. She thought about the book. It was laughing at her.

‘Mick,’ she screamed, as she rushed to his side. He was lying awkwardly, his face paling and twisted in pain.

‘It’s my leg,’ he said through gritted teeth. His hand clutched his shin and Alice was horrified to see blood spreading through his jeans. ‘I heard something snap.’

Alice looked around for help as she knelt beside him. So they weren’t on Everest, but it was secluded enough that they’d had sex in the woods. The unseasonal weather meant she was on her own.  ‘Don’t move. Let me examine it.’ Her voice was steadier than she felt.

The sight of his leg sent a jolt of nausea through her. The bone wasn’t protruding, but the unnatural bend below his knee said he was the owner of a broken tibia. A sharp piece of slate had cut a trench through the flesh of his calf leaving a nasty wound. She forced herself to think.

‘I’m calling for help,’ she said.

Mick showed her his phone. ‘No signal up here.’ His words were muffled with pain. She’d seen the lack of bars on her screen earlier but hoped it might have changed. ‘Okay. It’s not a problem, love. You rest here and I’ll go for help.’

She thought about the book and looked over the side of the ridge they were on. The waterfall rumbled in the distance and the gully was far enough below that nobody could survive a fall from the narrow track. She thought about the book. ‘I can’t leave you here.’

His face was white. ‘I’ll be fine,’ he said. His forehead was slick with sweat, and his voice was strained. ‘Go.’

The heavens opened and the rain poured with new spite, splitting the sky in a fit of vengeance. She thought about the book. A roar obliterated all of the sounds except its furious drumming in her mind.

Alice hesitated, torn between wanting to stay and knowing he was right. Her eyes scanned the forest for anything she could use to make him comfortable and she scrambled along the track to retrieve a fallen branch. Most of its bark had peeled and she fashioned a crude splint using her scarf and some sturdy sticks.

‘This is going to hurt,’ she warned him.

‘Do it.’

He cried out when she tightened the splint. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, and tears blurred her vision.

‘You’re doing great,’ he said. But his voice was weak and it terrified her.

He was sweating, trembling with the shock that made him sleepy. ‘Stay awake, Mick. Keep your eyes open and focus on me,’ she said.

 His hand gripped hers with a desperate strength but it was loosening. ‘Just go. I’m not running away. I’ll be here when you come back.’
 

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