INTIMACY

"I was wondering if you'd like me to come round tonight?"

"What for?"

"Well, I thought we could spend some time together - just the two of us."

"Actually, I was planning to wash my hair tonight."

"Great! Mine needs a wash - we could wash each other's."

"What is the point in that? Do you want to compare shampoos or
something?"

"Well, I'll wash mine before I come over then."

"But you're not coming over. I mean, you can't."

"Why can't I?"

"Because my friend's got a problem. So he's coming round, tonight - staying over, in fact."

"Perhaps I could help with the problem?"

"No, you can't - you're the wrong gender."

"Try me."

"No, it's personal. Just between me and my friend. It wouldn't be fair to share his business with the likes of you, I mean all and sundry,
would it?"

"OK. We'll just have to make the most of the time we have now, then."

"What?!"

"Well, I'm forbidden to come round tonight - but I'm here now, aren't I?"

"So you are! What's your point?"

"I get the feeling you don't want to spend time with me."

"It's not that, I just-"

"You just don't want to get close to me?"

"Well, we're kind of close now, aren't we? We're in the same room! How much more close do you want to get, for goodness' sake?!"

"Do you want me to draw a picture?"

"Oh, don't be so crude."

"So you do know what I'm talking about, then? You're not really as dumb as I feel right now?"

"Well, what's the fuss about? It's not the be all and end all, is it?"

"Actually, it is to me. If you don't want to touch me with a barge pole, then what am I doing here?"

"You're here because - you want to touch MY barge pole."

"Now you're being crude. And cruel. And crap."

"And crap?"

"Yeah, you're being crap - most guys would love to have such an enthusiastic girlfriend, wouldn't they?"

"I guess, but - you're not my girlfriend."

Around 2003