FRUSTRATED AND IRRITATED

Duncan reluctantly picked up his phone, which seemed like it had no intention of ever ringing off.

"How can you be in love with me? I bet you don't even know the colour of my eyes," snapped Sylvia.

Duncan laughed, "Are you feeling OK?"

"Don't be so sarcastic!" raged Sylvia. "When did you last call me, eh? When did your bone idle hand last pick up the phone, to engage your stupid brain in a talk with me?"

"A couple of hours ago?"

"Four hours ago, Duncan. Four stinking hours ago. What have you been doing in those four hours, that you don't want me to know about?"

Duncan puzzled, "Is this a quiz?"

"Oh, that's right; mock me you idiotic excuse for a moron."

Duncan laughed, "Have you lost your mind?"

Sylvia fumed, "How dare you insult my intelligence! I know what you've been up to, but clearly you're not moron enough to admit it."

"I am not a moron! And your tone is starting to get on nerves."

"Nerves?! You have nerves?! No, that can't be right; you can't possibly have any feeling, to treat me the way you do."

Duncan sighed, "I haven't done anything wrong!"

Sylvia continued, "If you really think, I'm going to let you carry on like this, you're a bigger fool than I've realised you are. I've had enough of your crap to last me the rest of my lifetime."

Duncan was silent in confusion.

"And now you're being ignorant! How rude are you?! You can't even say sodding sorry, 'cause your mouth's only able to do vulgar things with vulgar people."

"Are you calling yourself vulgar?"

"What a cheek," boomed Sylvia.

"Have you got some type of problem?" asked Duncan.

"Me?" shouted Sylvia, "You are the one with the problem. You've got so many problems, you're spoilt for choice to find the most problematic one."

Duncan sighed, "Have you had a bad day or something?"

"I don't believe it! You keep getting worse!"

"I think you should go and lie down," said Duncan.

"What a filthy thing to say!"

"To go to sleep!"

"Yes, you'd rather I went to sleep, wouldn't you?" snapped Sylvia, "Preferably permanently, I'll bet."

"Oh don't be ridiculous," replied Duncan. "Clearly something has annoyed you-"

"You have, by being so uncaring and insensitive!"

"About?"

Sylvia huffed, "Me, you dimwit. You have a bit on the side."

"I've got trousers on my side. All sides, actually."

"What is her name?" asked Sylvia.

"Kelly, Mary, Penelope; whose name am I guessing?"

"Is this a game to you?"

"No, but it's a rubbish conversation. I have a headache."

"I thought you were seeing someone else. I got a little upset, that's all," explained Sylvia.

"Crikey, never get really upset then."

"OK, I said sorry!"

"No you didn't!"

"Well, I hate saying sorry," said Sylvia. "It's the thought that counts."

"And I have thoughts of you, you daft thing. You shouldn't get paranoid when there isn't even cause to."

"Cheers," said Sylvia. She couldn't think of a better answer.

"I've got some work to do; and yes, it really is work, so I'll call you tonight," said Duncan.

"OK," said Sylvia, "Take care."

"You take care too," laughed Duncan, "Especially of your hazel eyes."

30 August 2005