Zero per cent interest.

I have a confession to make. I did it last September…I admit it!…finally I’ve capitulated, bent the knee, given in, lost me bottle. I had held out for a long time though, for years in fact…I just wouldn’t do it! Everyone said I would love it, then since I wasn’t to be moved, told me I was out of date, not with it, square, old fashioned not involved.

I didn’t care what they said I just wouldn’t do it!

But today I did.

I put up a good fight right to the end but the opposition was much too strong. Totally overpowering in fact. So with my resistance broken, my principles in tatters and my nerves shot to pieces in anticipation of the event, I agreed, OK I would go to Lakeside with them. Now you may think I gave in too easily…I didn’t. I surrendered grudgingly and over a long period and even then didn’t do so willingly. But in the face of threats ranging from an indefinite period of a Lysystrata type regime, to a week doing all the washing up on my own and of course finally and most telling of all, the coup-de-gras…no help with finding any missing odd socks. I did what any bloke would do, for that matter what else could I do? I tried to delay further in the hope that they would change their minds…No chance. They just kept on hassling until finally we were all in the car and speeding along the M25 into Essex. Now I knew there could be no escape. But I manfully kept niggling. What was the point of going? I asked. That drew withering looks and a period of silence. Had I struck a nerve, did they really know why they were going to THAT place? They knew all right! The answers came thick and fast…Simple! Enormous choice and you save money explained in a myriad of ways. It all boiled down to the fact Christmas shopping was to start now. I couldn’t believe it. Christmas shopping in September? At this rate we will be buying hot-cross buns at Christmas.

Parking for 8000cars screams the advertisement at the entrance. I reckoned there were at least twice that number just trying to get into the place. There they were all jammed together, all apparently facing a different direction. It looked like a Scalextrics Kit gone mad. We did find a place though, right outside The House of Frazer’s front entrance. Through a seething mass of humanity we made our way into the shopping precinct. It was like trying to swim upstream in the Thames at ebb tide. I have never seen so many people moving about in so many directions all at once. It reminded me of a shoal of tadpoles in stream when I was a boy. Then it fascinated me, now it just annoyed me.

I suspect I was not the only one to be there under duress. Most of the men, many holding the hands of even more reluctant children, were following their ladies with that resigned expression that only the most hardened woman can ignore, and they did ignore it. Not the slightest degree of pity was apparent as they led their families around the endless concourses, into and out of shops that could not have held the slightest interest for anyone. Nobody seemed to be buying very much though. To be fair even the ladies were not shopping with that fierce determination that every man recognises and dreads at the festive time of the year. The only real enthusiasm about came from the advertisements in the shop windows, you can it seems buy anything you want and pay for it some time next year.

Traders in the high streets across the country continually try to draw attention to the falling number of customers using their shops. “Where have all the shoppers gone?” is the headline in every local newspaper at one time or another and is repeated more loudly by the nationals when they are short of another moan about “The state of the country today. ”I have a news flash for them They are all at Lakeside and other places like it, as if they didn’t know!

The traditional high street, as far as I can see, is in the words of the old boy in Dad’s Army, doomed. Constrained as it is by ever increasing rents, ridiculously high business rates, high car parking charges (When you can find a space to park in) and confusing traffic flows, it has very little chance of survival. The facilities and services offered by the out of town shopping centres give them an overwhelming advantage over the traditional High Street shop. Free parking, realistic rents and a free and easy style long since gone from the old high street and all the shops undercutting each other has surely sounded it’s death knell. Forget that all the shops are the same no matter what part of the country you are in. Forget that the description given by Gerald Ratner to some of his goods could just as easily apply to most of the other merchandise in the shops…It’s cheap colourful and supported in the background by a fearful noise some call music. And of course there’s always the beefburger on hand, you know that ( Indeed you couldn’t forget it) because of the all pervading smell of onions, beefburgers, pizzas and fags. But it’s all happening, it’s part of the scene, you just have to be there you must be involved.
It seems that the campaign waged by local councillors and to some degree the National Government too to drive the cars out of town centres and leave the traditional High Street to the banks, building societies, insurance companies, hair dressers, estate agents and the like, have been successful. You could be forgiven fort thinking otherwise if you have read their public pronouncements. They must as a group be the only people not see what the outcome of their efforts would be. I suppose we should at least be grateful they seem not to be involved too deeply with the retail parks or they would be going broke too.

For my part I still prefer to shop in the old high street, preferably in a shop with the name of the real owner above the door. I like to be aware of the differences in shopping in say London, Newcastle, Edinburgh or Bath. I want to see goods that are produced locally and be able to taste the wide range of foods offered by the regional producers and cooks that have produced those particular dishes for centuries. Yes I can see the advantages of the new shopping areas, they cater for the “I must have it all and I must have it now” mentality that is becoming all pervading. But for me? No Thank you. The shopping madness that appears to take hold of all that enter places like Lakeside worries me. The amounts of money spent on items that serve little purpose and will last for but a short time, the horrendous debts that will need to faced when the credit card bill comes home at the end of the month and that will do so much damage to the individual and eventually the country. All seem to be encouraged by those who plan these places. Then again I suppose that they are a necessary evil, the number of people now living in the UK has grown so rapidly and to such levels that old High Street probably couldn’t cope with the sheer volume of stuff that ‘s needed to satisfy the demand.

Did I enjoy it? Well I’ll put it this way. I’m glad I went. I have now seen at first hand what the shopping precinct, galleria type of shopping is all about. I must say though, rain or shine, I prefer the old high street and the personal type of relationship that existed there. I also prefer to be able to see the differences between the various regions of the country reflected in the range of good on offer. I was glad when it was all over, it was the most exhausting experience.

They decided that nine hours were enough and headed for the exit. On the ay we passed a nationally known jewellery retailers. Their front window summed up the whole day perfectly for me. In the centre of the display in letters three feet tall a poster announced. “ZERO PER CENT INTEREST” It said it all…I couldn’t have put it better myself.