Horoscopes: The Short List IP

Spongeasoris: (the friend) This evening, while out with your buddies, you will somehow manage to duck yet another dinner check. You will go with the mignon and lobster. Enjoy. It will be your last meal with this group.

Urinosis: (the impatient) In a rush, you will zip up too soon and come to regret your haste. You will not find a hair dryer. Your acceptance speech will go unnoticed due to excessive snickering. You will never wear white pants again.

Persniffety: (the sissy) Some time during the day you will be startled by a low-flying butterfly, and you will scream like a girl.

Boreus: (the anal) Today you will anxiously await the postman. Don’t. You are not being invited anywhere.

Triasyoumite: (the oddity) You will consult with your cosmetic-surgeon You wanted to be different. But your third-eye implant has not endeared you to anyone.

Prego: (the leg spreader) Mostly when drunk. Tonight you will do it in your sleep, again.

Testosteronic: (the erect) During rush-hour this morning, you will miss your train stop by three stations due to an embarrassing malfunction within your pants. It will be caused by the camel-toed woman in the stretch pants standing a cat’s hair from your face.