Watching the candle burn

Cherry

By seashore

Tue, 21 Aug 2012
  • 5668 reads
19 comments
 

alone in a
church,
watching the
candle burn -

I'm there
with her,
as she scatters
earth to earth,
ashes to...

pondering,
as I do,
the mysteries of
a contaminated
bloodline,

for which there's
no apparent rhyme
nor reason,

just nature
screwing up and
burning the traces,
that's all

Certificate 12
Poem
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by fatboy74 on
Whether this gets a cherry or not, it is the sort of poetry I like to read. :-)

 

Submitted by seashore on
Thanks as ever, fb. Not really in writing mood but something unexpected happened that needed words - adequate? Not sure.

Submitted by fatboy74 on
For me it is far more than adequate - there are a few poets on here that use words lyrically and talk my kind of talk. You are definitely one of those. It is hard to describe, almost something that resonates at an instinctive level. I realise this sounds utter shit - I couldn't write a non-rhyming limerick at the minute and am struggling with any form of writing, including explaining myself properly. :-)

 

Submitted by seashore on
"almost something that resonates at an instinctive level" ....that means a lot to me and I know what you mean. This sounds pathetic - mutual appreciation society kind of crap - but I feel that about yours only the difference is that your vocabulary is so much more sophisticated than mine! I totally `get' the writing-struggle though. I've felt the same recently and made all sorts of excuses about moves, associated problems and then this unexpected family trauma....all fodder for creativity - I wish! Would that it were that straight-forward. Anyway, for what it's worth you've made me feel a whole lot better and I know you will produce one of your genius pieces out of the blue just when you've convinced yourself you'll never write again.... Ramble over - for now at least.

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
your poems are always a perfect example of why sometimes simple is best

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on
Brilliant news and insert is right. :-)

 

Submitted by seashore on
lovely comment insert, for which many thanks.

Submitted by seashore on
hey fb, always respect your judgment - cherries are the bonus.... Thanks cherrypickers!

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Love the ellipsis after 'ashes to' - it really works to bring out the surreal, pensive feel of the poem. And that final stanza is just superb. Well done on the cherries! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by seashore on
Join the club, stan! Genius is far too strong a word for me, but if I can help with just a tiny bit of inspiration then I'm happy. Thanks so much for the welcome comment.

Submitted by seashore on
Hi Magic, thanks so much......ah, so thats what "ellipsis" means! It was kind of instinctive, something I'd never done before so glad you felt it worked. Hope you're ok. xx

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Wonderful, Coral. I agree, hands down, with fb and insert. Tina;-)

 

Submitted by seashore on
Thank you, Tina - I really appreciate it.

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
A very poingnant piece, which I thought was delivered so well in this poem. You have managed to draw the reader in, with so many images, I felt I was there beside you. Congrats on the well deserved cherries. Jenny.x

 

Submitted by seashore on
Thank you for the lovely comment, Jenny. Coral x

Submitted by steve_elliott04 on
Im glad this poem has attained the attention it deserve. A simple yet very evocative piece. I too liked the 'ashes to...', that really intrigued me and drew me deeper into the piece. Excellent work, seashore.

Submitted by seashore on
Thank you so much steve, for reading this and leaving such a lovely comment.

Submitted by lavadis on
Gorgeously morose

 

Submitted by seashore on
liking the comment, Lavadis - thanks