You need to know about the poor little devil

Cherry

By Highhat

Mon, 14 Jan 2013
  • 6123 reads
34 comments
 

You need to know about the poor little devil

and the bamboo-coloured dust rising to cloud the view,

eating away at my inner sobriety.

You need to wish me good health

as I,feeble, lie listening to the rain beating down on the iron roof.

You need to love me; acknowledge my pitiful life

and let me pick the wooden splinters out of your crescent moon.

You need to know that I will not love you when you are not

expecting these happy children to run, free as the mountain winds.

I feel your impatience as I speak freely,

knowing that you will never slaughter my lambs.

I am astounded as you sip your green tchai

and talk of inhaling this pain in great gulps.

You need to know that I don’t care-

loving me would be like scraping the barnacles

and rust from both your and my common shadow.

The train of thought plays on parallel tracks-

You need to know that I am kind

wishing your orphaned loneliness company.

You need to know that I will die

when your blaze of glory settles in my heart.

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Comments

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
It's not easy to capture words bringing them together in such a way, showing feelings and emotions, but you always manage to write them in such a poetic way, as in this poem, that I'm sure deserves cherries. A wonderful imagination you have Pia. Thank you for sharing. Jenny.

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Thank you for your kind comment Jenny. I appreciate it very much. Glad you could get something from this. ;)Pia

Submitted by MS on
can't quite put my finger on it, but this has a different feel to your usual style. still brilliant.

 

Submitted by Highhat on
MS I seem to feel a bit lost stylish- wise lately but I am very glad you liked this. Thank you for telling me. ;)Pia

Submitted by MS on
oh don't worry, it still oozes style, just a different one.

 

Submitted by moonphish on
this is chock full of hard sharp edges...especially liked the splinters, barnacles and rust lines...very powerful...reread this a few times :) - alvin

Submitted by celticman on
some lovely images -not sure what tchai is? who is the narrator and who is s/he speaking to?

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks Alvin- I'm always happy to get your comments- ;)Pia

Submitted by Highhat on
tchai is tea Celtic The narrator may be me or somebody else and is speaking to a distant acquaintance, Celtic. Basically it's about not really wanting others in my life if the truth must be told. Does this make any sense of the poem? I doubt it. Just some words on a screen. ;)Pia

Submitted by sid on
Really enjoyed this, Pia. I just read it three times and I found that whilst it doesn't rhyme there is a kind of pleasing symmetry in the sounds of the words. I suppose there is a fancy academic word for this effect. I'd like to hear it read aloud. I don't know that I got the meaning of all the lines but I love the imagery. Favourites must be '...I speak freely, knowing that you will never slaughter my lambs.' '...breathing this pain in in great gulps.'- though I would suggest getting rid of one of the 'in's- you wouldn't lose any of the meaning and I think it might read smoother. '... your and my common shadow.' There's something almost biblical in the language that gives it quite a profound punch. It's inspiring; reading it makes me want to write. Unfortunately I have to go to sleep now :D

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Hi Sid- I was wondering about those 'in's as I wanted to point out that it was inhaling- Ah think I may edit it to that word. I should really have tweaked this much more before I put it up so it wasn't so quirky. I may do that at some point. Yes I would rather it wasn't so incomprehensible- I'd like the reader to get a clear picture of 'rejection' on both the narrator's and the other person's side. But thank you very much for spending time with this and going into such depth. ;)Pia

Submitted by Highhat on
thanks for the cherry eds- I'll try even better next time but thanks.

Submitted by sid on
I don't know- I've pondered this with my own poetry and generally from comments I've received it seems people like writing that is open to their own interpretation. Though I agree there's a part of you as the writer that wants people to see your thoughts exactly as they are in your own head. It's a pickle!

 

Submitted by Wes on
I think it all fits nicely. Tweak it if you like but I feel its good as is...Wes

 

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
I've read this a few times, Pia. The way you weave the image of personal isolation throughout is really beautiful. I especially liked 'you need to know that I am kind/wishing your orphaned lonliness company' juxtaposing the poem's theme as it does. Congratulations on the cherries - well deserved for this.

Submitted by Highhat on
That's wonderful to know Wes- thanks a lot. ;)Pia

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks Steve- glad you liked this. Hope to read something from you soon- a genius is often missed just so you know it. ;)Pia

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
"and let me pick the wooden splinters out of your crescent moon." - what a stunning line, Pia! And picking barnacles off shadows too. Just wonderful imagery. Well done on the cherries! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks Magic- and for picking out those images.. ;)Pia

Submitted by lavadis on
You need to know that I will die when your blaze of glory settles in my heart. Inspired

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks Lavadis..

Submitted by Parson Thru on
Nice, Pia. Especially like the "You need to..." ... what do I call it? Device? Doesn't describe what I mean. I think I mean the voice. Great poem.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks PT-my morning coffee has gone cold..yuk ;)Pia

Submitted by Parson Thru on
Frappocino or cryocino or something similar!

Parson Thru

Submitted by Highhat on
weepocino too..

Submitted by hudsonmoon on
Lots of gems in this one, Pia. 'Loving me would be like scraping the barnacles . . .' and 'eating away at my inner sobriety' come readily to mind. Good word play. Rich

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks Rich-thanks for picking out those lines which I rather like myself. ;)Pia

Submitted by TVR on
I don’t know where you find the time to reply to all these comments, Pia. A testimony to your popularity I’d say. Your poem is one of those that defy analysis, a montage of random thoughts cobbled together so poetically it sings from its heart, and while I have no great understanding of poetry and poems, I do get something out of them. I feel this one intuitively, without totally understanding it. But I guess that’s the beauty of poetry which is largely subjective, as opposed to the majority of prose which is objective. This left me with a feeling (all good writing should touch us), but if I was to be asked what or why, I could not give an easy answer. I only know that it seems to work and imparts a message that many of us will probably perceive in different ways, and in that respect it has given me something. Have I said if I liked it? No? Well, I did... quite a lot, actually. Well done. Trev

TVR

Submitted by Highhat on
Well Trev I am unlike yourself no good at prose- I just weave to and fro with my poems. I thank you for looking at this one and giving me such a wonderful comment. Glad you could get a little from the poem and enjoy it- that is my aim- to entertain. ;)Pia

Submitted by Denzella on
Sod it! Just hit wrong key. Comment all gone will have another go tomoz. Moya
 

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