A Little Bit Tired

Cherry

By ItsSteveDave

Thu, 17 Jan 2013
  • 6617 reads
23 comments
 

Get up feeling exhausted
Every morning the toilet
Warm water shifts shampoo
Eyes closed...

Mouths moving
Shouting silence
And spittle
Phoney on the phone to Nigel/Barry
5pm wake up call
Drive home, same road

Weekend
End of weekend

Kids on the adverts dying
Google search
Ask GlaxoSmithKline or Royal Dutch Shell
They've got all my money
What's a socialist?

Opportunity everywhere
Drown in decision
Choke on choice
Guilty 'cause society spoils me
And I'm ungrateful

Try to tell you it all hurts so much
Love, pain, everything in between
That I'm seeing someone
To help me through
But the Hoover's on
And you and I is dead.

Certificate PG
Poem
A Collection of Nothing In Particular
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by alice sunderland on
crikey this is good. i expect it'll have a bunch of cherries when it gets looked at. not a word wasted.

 

Submitted by sid on
Really like this. The deadpan tone works brilliantly. Do you think it would be worth putting 'you and I' in quote marks?

 

Submitted by Bee on
I like the mood of this. It's everything really, isn't it? Bee
Bee

Submitted by blighters rock on
Brilliantly simplistic, packing banal punches on its monosyllabic segway, saying more about depression than a thousand snotty-nosed theses. Smart and fruity, crunchy yet crispy.

 

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on

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Submitted by ItsSteveDave on

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Submitted by ItsSteveDave on

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Submitted by Parson Thru on
I like the open style of this Steve. You're right about the punctuation. I still experiment, but sometimes it just gets in the way. Your phrasing makes it unnecessary. Well done on the cherries and on beating the block.

Parson Thru

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
Thank you Parson and Bear, I'm glad you agree on the punctuation. I'm also glad to have written something, finally. Lets see where we go from here! Cheers guys :)

Submitted by alice sunderland on
glad the cherries turned up! they arrived 'cos of what you wrote - not what i wrote. good on yer.

 

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
Love how you've used minimalism, you say so much with just the right amount. I would LOVE to hear this read out loud.

 

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
Thanks stan, I really appreciate your supportive words, as ever. I was really glad to see your encouraging news on the forum the other day - keep going mate, that's all you can do. You're good enough and you deserve it, and it's easier said than done to throw yourself in to writing something new, but if you give yourself time and don't let the walls close in I know you'll nail it. Alice, glad you're back! Your encouragement is greatly appreciated :) Hi Maggy, thank you for stopping by. It may soon be read aloud at an ABCTales evening near you! Very glad you liked it :)

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I agree with maggy...this really would make a fantastic stand-up piece;-) Tina

 

Submitted by denni1 on
Sad xx

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
Hi Tina and Denise, thank you for reading. I'd love to read it out loud but I need some more stuff to go with it. Having read at the Wheatsheaf in December I've read everything I wanted to of what I've written, so now waiting for inspiration to come for some more poems!

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
Hi Tina and Denise, thank you for reading. I'd love to read it out loud but I need some more stuff to go with it. Having read at the Wheatsheaf in December I've read everything I wanted to of what I've written, so now waiting for inspiration to come for some more poems!

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
Hi Tina and Denise, thank you for reading. I'd love to read it out loud but I need some more stuff to go with it. Having read at the Wheatsheaf in December I've read everything I wanted to of what I've written, so now waiting for inspiration to come for some more poems!

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
Hi Tina and Denise, thank you for reading. I'd love to read it out loud but I need some more stuff to go with it. Having read at the Wheatsheaf in December I've read everything I wanted to of what I've written, so now waiting for inspiration to come for some more poems!

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
Hi Tina and Denise, thank you for reading. I'd love to read it out loud but I need some more stuff to go with it. Having read at the Wheatsheaf in December I've read everything I wanted to of what I've written, so now waiting for inspiration to come for some more poems!

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
Hi Tina and Denise, thank you for reading. I'd love to read it out loud but I need some more stuff to go with it. Having read at the Wheatsheaf in December I've read everything I wanted to of what I've written, so now waiting for inspiration to come for some more poems!

Submitted by lavadis on
Try to tell you it all hurts so much Love, pain, everything in between That I'm seeing someone To help me through But the Hoover's on And you and I is dead. which made me cry

 

Submitted by scratch on
Damn it missed this and it's damn fine too. The political sentiment and social observation in acute detail is choice and resonant. Bloody bloody brilliant writing.

 

Submitted by ItsSteveDave on
Guys, I don't know what to say, other than your comments mean an absolute truckload to me. I can't thank you enough.