Commuter

Cherry

By smokejack

Thu, 06 Mar 2014
  • 1388 reads
7 comments
 

You ever wonder why the train you catch

Doesn’t ever drive straight off the pier

And plunge into the sea

Putting you and your fellow commuters

Out of your eternal misery

 

You ever wonder about the bus you ride

Where you stare out of a window stain

Wishing you were not here

Wondering if the other passengers

Are fighting all they fear

 

The things we do to survive

It’s the joke that keeps us alive

It’s where our insecurities thrive

Long after nine to five

 

You ever wish to be at the front of the queue

So you can be the first to get a seat

Small victories stick like glue

You beat the man with bad breath

Who always tries to sit opposite you

 

You ever dream that the earth will melt

So we could start all over again

There must be more to life

Than imagining an operating table

And a surgeon’s knife

 

The things we do to survive

It’s the joke that keeps us alive

It’s where our insecurities thrive

Long after nine to five

 

The weekend has been lost

It’s just a reminder of what it costs

To be free…

 

Temporarily

 

©JMcN2014

Certificate U
Poem
Philosophy
Humour
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

A lot to ponder on in this poem Smokejack.

Could hear this one being read out loud.

I also liked how it flowed easily from one line to the next.

Hope you are well.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by smokejack on

Hi Jenny

 

I'm fine was inspired to write this after seeing lots of blank faces on a station recently ;-) Hope all is well with you. Thanks once again fro reading&commenting it is as always much appreciated.

Submitted by torscot on

Excellent,  this captures the  scene so well here in Devon.

I think you should send this to RailTrack, they may get the finger out.

My commute,  the Dawlish railway line is still not repaired   "...and plunge into the sea..."  (a very close thing)  and   "...  ever wonder about the bus you ride..."  That sums up  all that is awful about bus travel.

Regards.

 

 

 

 

 

torscot

Submitted by agent47 on

Fantastic. As a Londoner that central idea of being locked into a regular commute and 'escape via apocalypse' really resonates, although we don't have many piers here!

It's interesting to think that so many people feel the same way, yet there's no comraderie in being stuck together. Just as in real life, at no point in your piece did I get a sense we could reach out to the other passengers, and perhaps find some solace in all sharing the same misery. You really draw out that sense of isolation-in-a-crowd.

Oh and as Jenny said, I could almost hear the piece being performed as I read it. Great!

 

Submitted by smokejack on

Hi Agent 47 (now I feel like I'm respondoing to a spy!) I really appreciate your kind comments and thank you for expressing how this piece seemed to you. I used to do the commute thing in London years ago and have never forgotten how stale it made people- sucking our lives out of the light! 

Thanks for reading.

Submitted by smokejack on

Hi Torscot

many thanks for your kind comments I'd forgotten about Dawlsih!! Appreciate you reading this piece.

Submitted by smokejack on