World of Tears

By skinner_jennifer

Thu, 11 Feb 2016
  • 2594 reads
10 comments
 

I felt so sad when I got home yesterday,

sitting on the bus minding my own business,

when out of the blue the lady next to me said;

“I envy dead people!” Her skin almost blue,

her eyes so sore and red, gazing at me through

a haze of tears, “I'm in so much pain,” she declared

in a quiet voice...then looking down at her lap

she sobbed, “I want to die...the pain to disappear!”

 

Turning my head in a casual way I felt ashamed,

but knew I could never find the right words,

I wanted to tell her everything would be okay!

But knew she wouldn't hear what I had to say,

all I could think of was my mum and the pain

she must have felt before leaping to her death,

writing down her feelings those words in a note.

 

 

Suddenly all of life has no passion for me;

just wanting to hideaway drown in my tears,

my darkest hour approaching, as I; no longer

able to hang on to life, feeling like a hypocrite,

though I'd seen it all before...just another time

circling around this place where nobody really

cares whether we live or die, for that's all life

has to offer, day in day out going around and

around, holding on; hoping that I won't drown.

But when push comes to shove, death doesn't

seem so bad; like the song said; flying without

wings, soaring high with the birds, feeling the

breeze on my face one last time, before I take

my final breath. Then I thought of the lady on the bus.

 

 

 

Certificate 12
Poem
Poems
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Comments

Submitted by Bee on

Oh Jenny, we wouldn't write something so honest and from the heart, unless we were feeling sad and could understand sadness. I really felt your words, and all I can say is that it's a gift to be able to write them because if every reader feels some of the sadness then it is shared and shouldered by as many times, and hopefully a load lessened by as many. Perhaps you were an angel of the living kind for the poor lady on the bus, who may not have needed words, just someone to listen while she poured out her heart. Not everyone is so lucky as we are to be able to write it out and get read, but that day, she had you - sitting beside her, just listening and caring enough to think of her when you got home. If this is a poem of fiction, it still comes from somewhere, please excuse me if I'm wrong, but it seems real, and I'm thinking of you. 

xx

Bee

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

So many thanks for reading this piece Bee. Yes it did happen to me yesterday on the bus and I just couldn't get that poor lady off my mind, so decided I needed to put my thoughts down in words. There can be nothing worse than being in such pain and wishing to end it all, I just couldn't imagine how bad she was really feeling, but I know from my experience that if someone is so desperate, nothing in the world I could say would change the way she was feeling.

My mum took her own life and I never knew until it was too late, I kept saying to my dad, if only I'd been there for her, maybe she'd of lived, but my dad told me she was in so much pain that it wouldn't have made any difference. My only regret is that I didn't acknowledge that poor woman more. A moment that will stay with me for a very long time...leaving me to wonder!

I do agree with you, that it's some concelation to be able to write my feelings down in a poem.

Many thanks again for reading Bee.

Very much appreciated.

Jenny. xx

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Jenny, You draw attention to the quiet, lonely, suffering ones.

I think everyone feels that way sometimes, sometimes because of illness, sometimes pain, sometimes emotional hurt or disappointment. Sometimes it is someone to look concerned, as maybe a reminder that there are others that might be able to share, or that there could be times ahead when circumstances get better, or there may be good that oneself could do one day soon.

As for physical pain, there is much that can be done these days to help. Ultimately, I know I should have to trust also not only for help, but for the timing of the end of this life, and acceptance through mercy into the future.
Rhiannon

 

Submitted by torscot on

Jen. Very brave of you to reveal your personal loss here and also your honesty in saying.

"... I didn't acknowledge that poor woman more. A moment that will stay with me for a very long time..."

Regards and take care

torscot

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Thank you so much for reading this Rhiannon, I had quite an emotional time yesterday, so many mixed emotions and thoughts went through my mind. Like you mentioned it's hard to suffer in silence and sometimes pooring your heart out to a stranger can ease the pain somewhat.

It was such a strange situation to find myself in, with a bus full of people that were completely oblivious to what this woman was going through. I still find myself wondering what happened to her as I got off the bus before her. I really hope she manages to find help.

I'm like you a positive thinking person, life is such a precious gift which we should cherish.

Thank you too for sharing your thoughts.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I do so appreciate you reading my poem torscot.

I do try not to dwell on my mum's death as it was nearly sixteen years ago, but when something like this happens, it brings all those memories flooding back to me. I worked for the Samaritans many years ago, but found myself to be too over sensitive and usually going home in floods of tears, so had to quit, now I'm older I find things like this affect me even more, it's so difficult when you want to help someone, but there's nothing you can do but light a candle and think of wishing them well.

Sorry! I'll stop now. Many thanks for letting me know your thoughts and again for reading.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Jenny

When I read your poem, I was sure, as Bee was, that it was your real life story. And you told it very well, and we could all sense your feelings.

I'm glad that writing it down helped you a bit. I think you probably helped that old lady quite a bit, by listening to her.

Jean

 

Jean Day

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Jean, 

thank you so much for reading and letting me know your thoughts. Yes I think it did help to write down my feelings.

Hope your day is going well.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by celticman on

Jenny, it's those going home without the flood of tears I'd be worryinng about. If I'm ever on a bus (I travel everywhere by chauffer-drivern limousine and by private jet) I hope I'm sitting next to you. 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Jack,

your comments always put a smile on my face. smiley  

Many thanks for reading and for your thoughts.

Jenny.