Bus Pass [and BPL] Go to Smuggler's Top [Deck]

Cherry

By purplehaze

Sat, 30 Nov 2024
  • 112 reads
4 comments
 

BPL had a whole raft of reasons as to why she’d like to wring the former FM’s neck*.  Wrecking Scotland, in BPL’s opinion, remained top of the list, but free bus passes to under 21s, to win votes (allegedly), was a close second.  (Bus Pass had seen photos on the BBC news website, and was of the opinion the former FM didn’t appear to have a neck.  However, BPL said they did, and “for anything but soap” **).

BPL had witnessed firsthand, how giving free bus passes to schoolchildren, without time restrictions, such as, unusable within school-day hours, had facilitated warm, exciting, top decks where children could plunk off school***.  In particular, those children whose mothers sent them out without a winter coat.  That was not really BPL’s business, still, Bus Pass had to agree, there was a particular timbre in the early-teens voice which is annoyingly akin to bagpipes being tuned up.  Why were they not in school that early afternoon?  Are unrestricted free bus passes a factor?

On a recent trip to Elgin, an under-21-year-old came up to the top deck, clutching a backpack for dear life.  While BPL had to admit, she did judge that particular book by its scrappy, tattooed, dressed-all-in-black cover, she speculated that drugs could be being smuggled via top decks, the length and breadth of Scotland, gratis, enabled by such poorly thought-out policies. (Given the ‘perfumed’ air near Elgin bus station, BPL probably wasn’t wrong). 

However, Bus Pass reminded BPL that she too could be a chancer, given the elderly assistant in 'Jo Malone' had recently rumbled that BPL ritually spritzed sample perfumes onto test-cards with no intention of buying anything.  (BPL used these as scented bookmarks, and thought ‘English Oak and Hazelnut’ or ‘Cyprus and Grapevine’ worked particularly well for book scents).

 

*Scottish Expression: The expression to ‘wring someone’s neck’ means to be very angry at, or irritated by them.

**Scottish Expression:  If someone ‘has a neck for anything but soap’, it means they are an absolute chancer, and that the person expressing this sentiment has rumbled said chancer.

***Scottish Expression:  To ‘plunk off school’ means to play truant.

Disclaimer:  This is a humorous (hopefully), opinion piece using commonly coined phrases which do not convey actual violence. This piece in no way constitutes any threat, real or incited, to any former first minister.  Fortunately, the Hate Crime and Public Order (Scotland) Act 2021/24 does not include opinions regarding necks, or lack thereof.

Credit: Hate Crime and Public Order (Scotland) Act 2021;

“Freedom of speech

The Act does not pose a risk to freedom of speech. It does not prevent people expressing controversial, challenging or offensive views, nor does it seek to stifle criticism or rigorous debate in any way. The right to freedom of expression is specifically built into the Act.”

Phew!

Happy St Andrew’s Day

From Scotland the Brave.

https://www.jomalone.co.uk   

Certificate U
Non-fiction
Humour
Opinion
Journal

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Oh English oak and hazelnut sounds nice. I think I might have to try that one myself! (JM is very overpriced though)

I think most drug smugglers use their BMWs - you'd have to be a very bad one to have to resort to a bus trip, no?

 

Submitted by purplehaze on

Agree about the overpricing on JM. 

I suspect the top and mid-chain of drug dealers have the BMWs ( based on my extensive telly watching of crime series :-), my concern is they get younger and younger children onto dope and then involve them, maybe using public transport and before you know it, they end up hopeless on the streets, selling or getting a BMW of their own.  It's worrying, for the kids.

Or might just be my over-active imagination 

Purplehaze

Submitted by Di_Hard on

At least they are not setting themselves on fire. Have intervened here, as a boy experimented with if their coat was flammable, while waiting at bus stop. This Summer at the abandoned school in our road, there was lots of police/ambulance kerfuffle as a girl did actually set herself alight and got burned (others there called the ambulance, eventually). Like you, not sure free bus passes are the answer when your baggage must go with you- People come here on purpose for holidays or to retire because it is lovely, beaches, woods etc. Just the children are so utterly full of despair. Perhaps drug smuggling seems enterprising, a way out, compared with risking setting fire to yourself for kicks.

I love your getting scented book marks from free samples :0) That is so funny

 

Submitted by purplehaze on

I remember being bored as a teenager but setting fire to myself was not a thought that crossed my mind.  Worrying times.  Agree, young people are being failedsomewhat, but I've seen parents on TV news here complaining about the wait for their child to have mental health help, the same parents who never think of taking their child to the park and letting them run off their stresses, or taking their eyes off their own mobile phone and engaging with their kid so that they feel less lonely.  There's a lot of free, simple things that could be done.  Like swings. 

I remember being forced to go to pick brambles or go on family walks, but enjoying it once I was there, and we never felt the need to set ourselves on fire.  How did they even think that up?  That's very sad.

Anyway, I'll get off my boomer high-horse now ... :-)

Purplehaze