In Flight Entertainment

i

35,000 feet up
we are skimming
the biggest lemon sorbet
the world has ever seen

and if I could find a giant scoop
somehow containerise it
market the product as

GOD'S PUD

I could give up work
become a rich man.

ii

the collective noun
for a group of young women
returning from beach land
wearing the same bright tops
is herdapainthearsus.

iii

whoever planted the trees
in Frankfurt
was a
per
fec
tio
nis
t
.

whoever planted the trees
across southern England
had been on the ale.

iv

in front of me are the words
FASTEN SEAT BELT WHILE SEATED
this can be rejigged and poked about into
FEEBLE AND SWEATIEST STEALTH
see ii (above).

v

high to my right
I see
31 FED
which must mean that
nearly 200 people on this plane
are starving.

vi

Also in front of me are the words
LIFE VEST UN ER YOUR S AT
which could be rejigged and poked
into something interesting
except I cannot think beyond the obvious
that we are on a cheap airline
experiencing turbulence.

vii

from my window the left wing bobs
and if it dropped off
we would be going round and round
in circles
forever
like Admiral Nelson trying to swim.

viii

but if we plummeted
crashed into mother earth
knowing my luck
I would end up on a sofa
with a dysfunctional family
watching 'Eastenders'
a hole in the roof
and rainwater falling in.