Generation Game

By Ewan

Fri, 29 Feb 2008
  • 1187 reads
3 comments
 

I’ve never kissed a cousin
-not like that, I mean-
I snogged a quasi-relly
once, by the name of ‘Auntie’ Jean.

She'd bunked off convent school with mum
in another decade’s clothes;
they'd double-dated at the flicks
and danced 'til the discos closed.

A wedding party, double drunk,
we held each other up
smooching in the corner:
‘an old dog with a pup’
they said, I really didn’t mind:
‘cos I was only seventeen,
and she'd stopped at thirty nine.

Certificate U
Humour

Comments

Submitted by onemorething on
I really liked this. It made me laugh and I thought it had a good rhythm to it. The rhythm was so effective that I wondered if it should be 'by the name of Auntie Jean' and that that would fit better. Similarly, in the last stanza I fell out of rhythm with the last line, but then that could just be me and how I read it.

 

Submitted by Ewan on
You know, I took 'by' out and put it back a lot of times, and took 'and' out of the last line a few times too. Since you recommend it, I'll put them back. Thanks for taking the time to read and for some concrete feedback. Ewan

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by Sooz006 on
I hated the Rose Royce line. It felt too cheesy and 'clever' but not effortlessly clever if you know what I mean. Other than that Great. It's one of those that gets behind you and pushes you along. I stumbled a bit on the last line too, but the rest of the rhythum worked really well.