English as she is spoke

English as she is Spoke

Pronouncing English can be hard
As every foreigner knows
Where different words are spelt the same
But don’t sound as you suppose

For instance c-o-u-g-h spells ‘coff’
As every child soon learns
So the rule must very simply be
‘o-u-g-h’ sounds ‘off’

So now I know my English,
I say with a quiet cough
“See squirrels run from tree to tree
Along a leafy ‘boff’”

“No no the word is bough”
The English always say
With puzzled frown I try again
This English tongue is such a pain

I went to buy some sand paper
To smooth wood cut from a bough
“But I don’t want a fine sheet
I want one very row”

The shop man first looked puzzled
Then answered with a grin
“You must mean very rough mate
‘o-u-g-h’ sounds ‘uff’”

So I go back to language school
“I’m finding English very ‘toff’
I think I need more lessons
But this time be more thoruff.”

I’ve mastered cough and rough and bough
But they don’t seem to be enough
I really don’t know what to do
I must sit down and think this thruff

Or is that pronounced throff or throw (rhyme with now)
I wish I’d started Chinese now.

----OOOO----