Polite

Apartment is polite for flat.
Loft conversion is polite for extra rent.
Patio is polite for nothing grows.

My grandmother was polite to people
who weren’t in our immediate family.
She ran a Finishing School for international girls
and would pretend I hadn’t burped at the table
when I had burped at the table.

I am polite for my mother’s sake.
My mother is polite to our father
for my sake.

Big-boned is polite.
Flighty is polite for stupid.
Blonde jokes are not polite.

My grandmother chewed her food like cows do.
My mother does too and dinner takes longer
than expected. From impatience, you eat more
she pinches your waist and smiles.
I think it is all part of ‘the plan’.

I think impoliteness is sometimes more fun
and sarcasm is the Queen Elizabeth of wit
and that people ignore things that happen.

I am often dressed appropriately
this does not stop men hubba-hubbaring me on the street
in the supermarket they whistle at me by the rice cakes

nothing stops a man with a hard on.
That was impolite, but factual and a result
of much extensive research.

British people are well known for being polite.
Manners dear. Thank you is free.
It doesn’t cost anything.
But neither does fuck you
if we follow this logic.

Logic is impolite. It often disagrees.
When people are polite they open and close
each conversation as if it was a front door.

When people are especially polite they curtsey.
My mother curtseys at market traders.
I have only just noticed this.

Polite people do not pull on their mothers arm
while she is waiting for someone.
But polite people are also boring and unpopular.

I prefer inappropriate people
for a short while.

Radiant is polite for sweaty.
Offering is a polite gesture, which you hope people will refuse.
Refusing food is polite, but not in India or Pakistan or Vietnam.

Modesty is polite, even if not meant.
Virtue is value-added in the deal.
I am not so good at this part.

Offering a variety of tea is polite.
Drinking a cup in honour is polite.
Some questions are impolite.

“It’s not polite” is the answer
to many children’s questions
and that is the end of the matter.