Astronomer in Search of a Soul

I used to search for my soul with telescopes
Strong lenses pierced dusty atmospheres for light
At night, when the skies briefly cleared, details could be identified
Borne out of a point of stillness and clarity,

When the world’s rooftops thickened, occasionally I would weep
I mourned the loss of my discoveries
Sometimes wondering if it had been dreamt or imagined
But more simply because I questioned their return.

One evening outside, high up on a hilltop, I was captivated for hours
Fixed on a previously undiscovered feeling.
It danced unblurringly in pure light at the end of my focused circle
However, conscious of my intrusion, it scuttled from view back into the nothingness from whence it came.

I didn’t see this sight again
Though with closed eyes, heavy with sleep, it tickled my senses once more
Nudging me towards super nova delights
By way of sling shots so true

From that moment I ceased my journey alone with telescopes
I struggled to comprehend the distances away from me, peering into ancient history.

*

Now having sold my wears I feel moments within, tinged with fleeting fears,
Licking their flames, singeing the delicate hairs on my pimpled skin.
Anger announced itself with trumpets. I cowered
For a time, behind Mercury, Venus and Mars, through hired lenses.

*

From time to time I long for the hilltops.
It’s when I’m scared of everything.
Inner constellations down here amidst the clutter
Are the greatest distances travelled so far.