Weird Speech in a Parking Lot

Evan sat in his car outside the restaurant where he worked. His shift had ended half an hour earlier, but he couldn’t drive away. He had to wait until Amanda’s shift ended. He had to talk to her.

Evan had been in love with Amanda for almost the entirety of the three months since he had started with Marco’s Pizza. Her face was not sexy in a conventional way, but he thought it was graceful and sensible and perfect. Her face suited her better than most people's faces suited them.

Evan had a personal policy to never ask out co-workers, but like most personal policies he was ready to throw it to the wind for the right person. What made things really impossible in this case was that she was lesbian and currently in a relationship.

Evan had little patience for impossible tasks. Wooing was out of the question. Unfortunately, his feelings were not a project that could be given up on. They were a fact.

He found out yesterday that today would be Amanda’s last shift at Marco’s. Her girlfriend had gotten a job in Dallas and they would be moving in two weeks.

Evan had decided he wasn’t going to leave without saying something. He had no idea what. Love makes words flow, right? Don’t overthink this. He jammed to his David Bowie CD, but mostly just hit repeat on “Rebel Rebel.” It seemed appropriate.

He saw Amanda come out  of Marco’s and started walking to her car. He turned the keys in the ignition, got out of his car and trotted over.

“Hey Amanda!”

She gasped and looked up from her purse. She had been searching for keys.

“Oh, hey Evan.” She smiled, but was clearly confused.

“Hey. I just wanted to say ‘bye’ and a few other things. First of all, I think you’re really special and cool, and you’re seriously one of the three most attractive girls I’ve ever seen, and that’s a lot of people, you know? I mean not just girls I’ve known, but on busses and planes and stuff too, but that’s not really what I mean, or like, what’s special...um...Okay, do you know what dasein is?”

“What?”

“Dasein.”

“No” She shook her head uncertainly.

“Well yeah, I guess it would be weird if you did. It’s like, this German word, and it doesn’t really have an english translation but they usually translate it as ‘one’s being-in-the-world.’ It’s sort of like the way you interact with your surroundings and the signals you pick up and put out in your environment. I think that’s pretty much it, but anyway I just think you have the best dasein ever. Just, like, the way you process information, the way you react to things, the shapes your face makes, the things you say and don’t say...just a whole lot of shit. I think it rules, and I know this is awkward and I’m probably not making much sense, and even if I was, it’s kind of pointless considering you’re in a relationship and I totally respect that, and even if you weren’t I doubt it would make a difference but….I don’t know. I guess I just wanted you to know that you can have this kind of effect on people, and people have felt this way about you. I know you probably know that already, but it’d be lame if you didn’t, just because no one ever told you. If I see you again I won’t say anything like this.  So, uh, bye I guess. Thanks for being cool to work with!”

Despite trying to end on a casual note Amanda's eyes were opened wide as she faced the unenviable challenge of reacting to all this. She was too tactful to not choose her words wisely.

“Well, thank you. It’s been a real pleasure working with you too, Evan. It’s been fun, and It’d be nice to see you before I leave.”

“Okay cool. Either way. I promise not be awkward if we do see each other.” He said sounding like someone who could never be anything but awkward.

“Okay Evan.” she said in a fond “yeah right” kind of way. She was smiling.

“Okay Amanda, good luck and peace out.”

After lifting up the peace sign he turned around quickly and went to his car without looking back at Amanda. As he shut the door, he saw Amanda’s car pull out of the parking lot.

What the hell was that, he thought to himself. He sounded ridiculous and dorky and nervous for every second of that interaction. He spoke too quickly. How about that “I promise not to be awkward” line? Dasein? Really?

After a moment of silence Evan could feel his cheeks tense up with the desire to smile, and he started to laugh. It had been a long time since he had surprised himself, and even longer since he had felt so good.