Letter of Recommendation

October 18, 2002

Allen Banks
4801 West 34th Avenue
Denver, Colorado 80212

Dear Admissions Committee:

It is my pleasure to submit this letter of recommendation on behalf of
Stephanie "Snapper" Madden. I have known Miss Madden for twelve years
in several capacities: as a roommate; as a club-hopper and heavy
drinker; and as a fellow wearer of black shoes for sissies. When I
learned of Stephanie's desire to attend your fine institution of higher
learning, I asked -- no, I begged -- for the opportunity to shed some
light on what can only be called a lifelong ambition to completely and
utterly avoid any involvement in the private work sector.

In 1990, when I first met Stephanie Madden, I was on my hands and
knees scrubbing the kitchen floor. Stephanie quickly decided she liked
the looks of that and began moving her many, many belongings into my
apartment. Soon her trademark red curls became a permanent fixture: on
the baseboards, in the bathtub, and often in her signature dish of
Fettuccini Alfredo served with frozen broccoli. When Stephanie was not
planted on the couch watching the latest MTV reality program, she could
be found in her room ironing her hair or causing small fractures in the
plaster with her drum-playing. It was at this time that I learned
Stephanie is capable of jumping into a moving car without breaking a
sweat, a feat she demonstrated many times when her friends, reacting to
Stephanie's tardiness, drove off in disgust.

Soon, Stephanie left my apartment to return to her native New York,
the specter of dozens of unpaid traffic tickets trailing after her like
the marijuana smoke of which Stephanie is so very fond. Back in the Big
Apple, Stephanie further proved her endurance and entrepreneurial
spirit by hawking T-shirts to unsuspecting tourists eager to spend
their money. Although she had no part in the actual design, production,
or marketing of her product, Stephanie did excel at merchandising,
keeping her cart neat and tidy as she paced back and forth while
scouting for potential customers. She soon earned her reputation as a
proponent for aggressive sales techniques, and could often be seen
explaining the finer points of caveat emptor to people for whom English
was a second language.

When Stephanie left the field of high fashion to pursue her other
interests, no one was surprised. From her involvement with musical
groups to her often-dangerous flirtations with new hairstyles,
Stephanie became a living testament to the outrageousness that is New
York City. But Stephanie is an enigma that cannot be contained by one
or two cities. She has traveled extensively, most notably in Spain,
where she learned the Castillian accent she often uses to impress our
confused neighbors to the south. If Stephanie chose to write her
memoirs, detailing her adventures abroad and in the US, the stories
would undoubtedly fill the backs of dozens of postcards.

Stephanie Madden's worldview does not include becoming a corporate
millionaire by the age of thirty-five. And, because she has already
passed that age, it's unlikely to happen anytime soon. But her
worldview does include the desire to make a change: in the oil of her
car; in her dwindling bank balance; perhaps even her bedroom sheets.
She is an accomplished woman with a goal, best summarized in the
question, "How long can I sit in this chair and get away with
it?"

With that in mind, I wholeheartedly recommend Miss Madden to your
program. She would be an asset to any classroom that needs a modern
voice or a good typist.

If you would like to discuss my recommendation of Miss Madden to your
program, please feel free to contact me at 1-800-326-6446, extension
7016.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Allen Banks