The Biscuits in Parliament

A jammy dodger came to power
He dazzled us with twinkling eyes
And only when the milk turned sour
Did we uncover all his lies
But how did the dodger get the vote?
Well he was the perfect antidote
To those dried out, flaky creamless crackers
Who made us boom then went to the knackers
To tune into cricket and rest their legs
And dream about sleaze and curried eggs

The dodger's wife was a jaffa cake
A cake and a biscuit make no mistake
She pushed out sproggs and wore big wigs
Insulted her sisters with haughty digs
But forget for now his rampant bride
Let's look at the shortbread at his side
The Scottish sort, so full of lard
And what with the dodger his job was hard
As Chancellor he set us up to fail
Coz shortbread's prone to going stale
Especially when there's jam in the tin
So we shouldn't be too hard on him

The dodger rubbed shoulders with party rings
He said they could only get better, those things
But his party wasn't without disgrace
A Tunnock's marsh mallow punched a man in the face
The pink wafer in charge of Millenium Dome
Was syphoning cash for his second home
And the dodger was forming a dangerous bond
With a nutty cookie from across the pond
Their common ground was God and oil
A bearded fig roll was the perfect foil
For a deadly pact that still goes on
A pointless charade that can never be won

And what of those dangerous toffee creams
Who's only desire was selfish dreams
For sure they had tremendous fun
Built their tower of coins right up to the sun
And stood back as it all came crashing down
Carving us up as it hit the ground
But the dodger got to keep his jam
He bought homes in London, Bristol and County Durham
He basically just got off scot free
Coz he was as jammy as he was dodgy

And now we've got the other lot
A white chocolate finger's got the top spot
And if that doesn't sound quite bad enough
His left hand man is a lemon puff